I want to preface that the contents of this post is for informational purposes. I do not condone or approve of any harassments or witch-hunting or the attacking of anybody.
 
Richard Lewis recently did a stream talking about the terrible state of CS esports and I thought it was an important stream anyone who cares about the CS community should listen to.
Vod Link here: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/830415547
I realize it is 3 hours long so I took it upon myself to create a list of interesting points from the stream so you don't have to listen to the whole thing, although I still encourage you to do so if you can.
I know this post is still long but probably easier to digest, especially in parts.
Here is a link to my raw notes if you for some reason want to read through this which includes some omitted stuff. It's in chronological order of things said in the stream and has some time stamps. https://pastebin.com/6QWTLr8T

Intro

• "The last month has convinced me, that we are going to be heading into a dark place for Counter-Strike esports in 2021."
  • "I think I've seen the scene essentially kill itself."
• "For the past 5 to 6 years, we've basically been in a holding pattern of people coming into our game wanting to run it, wanting to run all of the esports and wanting to profiteer and its been sort of a concerted effort to drive them off and push them away."
  • "We're spread way too thin."
• "If Riot don't get involved and stop the scumbags that have moved over to Valorant from getting their feet under the table, Valorant is going to have real problems."
• RL thinks too much has happened all at once for us to do anything except watch it play out, like:
  • Recent CSPPA strike against BLAST
  • ESIC failures and them not being supported enough
  • Teams cheating i.e. coaches/bugs
  • Widespread match fixing
  • The Pandemic
    • "People who try to hold bubble events are so incompetent and fuck up and people get the 'rona and its their fault."
    • "People who say Flashpoint is a bubble is full of shit and is a lie and people are now suffering for that lie."
      • "To save money they let people go home and break the bubble for a week."
      • "Not just Flashpoint peoples decision, they have a partner that handles the production." (hinting FACEIT)
      • "People are trapped in hotels essentially under house arrest because of COVID restrictions and has fucked peoples lives up."
• "It's all too much, all of this incompetence, all of this greed, maybe we ride it out."
  • RL says he has talked to the Riot devs (the ones working on Valorant) and says, "They are so cognizant of all the fuck ups and all the problems we have in Counter-Strike."
    • He continues to say that this is factored into their business plan and that we never had a competitor, but just so happens to have one coincide, when we are at our worst.

CSPPA - Counter-Strike Professional Players' Association

"Who does this union really fucking serve?"

• RL believes that the CSPPA is a mockery.
  
  • He points out the hypocrisy that they wouldn't strike for the pros who were kicked out of ESL Pro League, or for Jamppi or dream3r.
    • He also says ESL paid CSPPA and are racketeering and many other TOs have to pay them to get their "seal of approval"
      • He says they would strong-arm TOs saying "well if you don't give us the money, these guys are so we'll just have to commit to playing their event."
    • Also points out that they will strike against a competitor they are not in agreement with (Flashpoint)
    • RL: "It's what it says about every other time you haven't done it and it's about every time you don't do it now moving forward." "The issues they've chosen to ignore this year alone are embarrassing."
    • Then he points out that there was no strike for Valve qualifiers even if we have no major but Jamppi and dream3r can't play in them.
      • "and Valve have said 'Oh yeah we know actually their stories are accurate, Jamppi didn't cheat, now in a legally binding document. Yep dream3r did have his account hacked in a LAN café', but they still can't play. Where is the fucking solidarity? Gone. Doesn't exist. It's not important [because] it doesn't affect you." "That's what the union does right now, it looks after all the tier 1 people."
• He says the CSPPA doesn't represent all players all the time and has driven a divide where you have the haves and have-nots
  
  • "We have a tier of players that operate with impunity and do not help their tier 2 or tier 3 players out at all." "If you are not a tier 1 player you do not matter, they don't event ask your opinion."
  • He tells chrisJ to admit and own the fact that the reason he didn't speak up during the ESL Pro League debacle is because it didn't affect him
  • "They are looking after some players at the expense of other players. How the fuck is that a union?"
• He says the BLAST situation is a reasonable dispute and supports the players but is not the right time for a strike and have not even identified the correct enemy
  
  • He thinks players are lashing out now due to previous incidents and are upset that BLAST are working with ESIC
    • He stated that CSPPA shouldn't beefing with ESIC and they should be working in harmony
  • He says what they need to do is talk with the teams/organizations that have sold that right to BLAST
    • RL: "Your employers, the people who pay you that massive exorbitant salaries, when you don't stream and you don't do interviews and you offer no value beyond your ability to click heads and you get 25k dollars a month." "Why don't you talk to them about it? Oh right. You're happy to take away BLAST's paper, but you don't want to risk your own."
  • "I am seeing such unbelievable cowardice from the players here with the battles you choose."
  • "Where was the strike action when in the qualifiers for the world championship, there were teams and players engaged in huge conflicts of interest?" "Where was the strike action when your image rights were taken and sold to every league you've ever been in every union type organization you've ever been associated with like, WESA, to your org every time you sign a contract, to the leagues you play in."
    • "Your image rights are essentially worthless now, there's about 10 fucking separate parties that have them, and how many of them are giving you anything for it? Not much pretty much your org by the way."
    • "That's a big issue. Your image is you, your image is your brand. What are you doing about that? Nothing."
• He is also angry at SirScoots who is "popping off" at people on Twitter who all want the same thing, which is 'A unified Counter-Strike scene for everybody, that works for everybody, that has a sustained ecosystem that nourishes everybody.' "We don't have that now."
  
• He also says their rankings are a joke
  
  • "Just so happened, oh look TACO, that very important prominent member of the board, we pushed his team artificially up when they weren't even in the fucking top 20, not by a long shot."
• He also says the ineptitude of the CSPPA cost Flashpoint a monitor sponsor
  
• "Is it really a player association or is it like a fucking agency at this point"
  

ESIC - Esports Integrity Commission

"They have been put in an impossible position."

• RL says that Ian Smith, the founder of ESIC and who was done work in mainstream sports, is a good and honorable man who has dedicated his life to integrity and sports. He takes on both sides, ensuring match fixers are punished, but also doing appeals and ensuring those punishments were fair.
• "ESIC is a tiny organization" and are in need of money, "They didn't run a grift like the CSPPA did."
  • "Saying 'you want our support and you want the players to turn up you better pay us.' They don't do that."
  • "Had startup seed money from MTG and since then they've been pecking shit with the hens."
    • Ian Smith made sure that the money given by MTG (Modern Times Group, parent company of ESL, ESEA, DreamHack) was nothing more than startup money and wouldn't be in debt to them
      • Ian Smith sat down with other TO's not part of MTG and wanted to partner with them. They declined and called ESIC "ESL spies and we will never align ourselves with you"
  • "They only were just able to afford, hiring a PR guy on a full time salary to deal with the press and send out those releases you've seen, this year."
    • "They have a tiny group of staff investigating these things and they have taken on the biggest problems in our scene: the cheating, the match fixing."
• ESIC have had "unprecedented levels of cheating to deal with, because there's something wrong with our scene ever since we went online. There's something wrong with it, everyone's lost their fucking pride and self-respect and they got no passion for it anymore, so they think fuck it, what's in it for me?"
  • He calls out coaches who are talking about players rights when they would rob and steal from them.
    • Also says more coaches being banned are coming
    • He also points out flaws in community's reaction to the punishments to coaches bans: "Half of the cunts still have jobs and some of the cunts got new jobs. We didn't even shun the cheating coaches."
• ESIC have "found I think another 2 or 3 exploits like that one and they are investigating them all right now, it's going on right now."
  
  • "I know that there are going to be more names getting banned, again."
  • "So they're doing that on a skeleton crew while, investigating 3 continents worth of match fixing in MDL and semi-pro level CS." "They're doing this with half a dozen people." "They don't have any money or any help. People barely even fucking cooperate with them, they are treated like pariahs. It's ridiculous."
    • "Why are the CSPPA popping off at ESIC on my Twitter timeline, when you should be working together." "because its all about what's in it in for me." "2020, the online era of CS: 'What is in it for me?' How can I cheat, how can I get my paper, how can I bleed this scene one last time before I fuck off and play shooty shooty bang bang Riot Games babys first fps."
• RL says that in the CIS region, teams have gone to tournaments and have been eliminated multiple times by the same team. We found out they were cheating and those players who lost, have been cut from their roster, careers ended because of cheaters.
  

Stream Sniping

"They're all at it in the online era, they're all at it, they're all cheating, they're all using exploits, probably that see through smoke bug got used a bunch of times"

• RL talks about how there is no integrity from dead (the player), always denying when caught doing something
  • On the topic of 'BLAST never said we couldn't stream snipe': "Lies, BLAST never said you could do that, they had to sort of retcon it." "because what happened after that they fucking started snitching and squealing"
    • "Suddenly you had like, 10 of the top 15 teams in the world, staring into the abyss of being banned for 6-12 months in line with ESIC recommendations."
      • He says that ESIC was put in a tough situation and couldn't enforce the bans because it would have resulted in killing CS. What resulted was, BLAST, ESIC, and teams came together and gave them a warning and told them, in RL's words "don't do this again or you're gonna get got."
        • He then says the top teams brushed this off and didn't give a fuck
        • The new MiBR team playing Flashpoint, that wasn't involved in the previous incidents are doing it again (stream sniping). He gave credit to Flashpoint for the quick resolution and punishment and respect for cogu's response to the situation.
        • "ESIC came out and said, once more, 'Guys, zero tolerance from now on.'" RL then got upset at community's reaction calling ESIC "pussies" for their non enforcement and said if we want competitive CS we cant ban the top 10 teams.
• He points out how players have no integrity and will do anything for an edge as long as they won't get detected or banned or it's within a grey area.
• "All of this shit was mad avoidable, even in the pandemic era."
  • He talks about why aren't we filming them. Why aren't there representatives for leagues and tournaments making sure players aren't cheating?

Match Fixing

"How many years have we let our scene be fucking pillaged by these greedy cunts?" "We just let it happen."

• RL says that gambling and skins betting which existed in moderation was "accelerated and blown up by the Call of Duty greedy fucks."
  • "Never forget TmarTn was on the board of EnVyUs." "His website, CSGOLotto, they had a bunch of off-the-books sponsorships." "NBK promoted them. People forget."
• "Those people who had access to the skins, go to the players" "Even people like s1mple, best player in the world, even he scammed knives and skins off fucking fans."
• Owners of skin casino sites would approach pros and lend them skins to use in tournaments and possibly keep them after reaching a deal
  • Players would tip off inside info about matches and teams in exchange for skins. Info such as: roster changes, how they played in scrims
    • They would use this info to bet and subvert the odds on their sites. "That happened religiously, I can't even tell you how many times it happened."
      • "I had access to the biggest database of information, from an inside betting circle in NA, and it would take information and screenshots from other pro players, who were feeding them info in exchange for money or skins."
        • "Some of these players are still playing." "Incredibly, there are players still in the CSPPA today, complaining about the BLAST recordings, that were embroiled in this murky shit back then."
• RL also says that there were tournaments where teams contrived with each other, who should throw, who should win.
• "There's a handful of people that are trying to fucking clean it up, and you think you get something over the line and you see something like the CSPPA and it's run by corrupt fucking chuckle heads, and now you've got another corrupt body you have to fight on a fucking daily basis, it's demoralizing."
  • "It's too far gone. Our entire semi-professional scene is compromised."
• "It's rife guys, I'm not going to lie any more. It's not just China, it's not just Russia, it's here, it's NA, it's Europe, it's Australia, so much more than you think, so much more than we can prove."
  • "I get sent chat logs all the time […] and they're morons, these players, short-sighted, amateur, morons and they're doing it on WhatsApp." People would get cut from the bets because they want to make more money, then they leak the logs. He says, from the chat logs, they spread "little" bets across every site they can (400 to 1k dollars) to prevent shifting odds
• He says the scumbags who've fucked off to Valorant will do the same there if Riot doesn't do something and says Valorant "is an esports scene heading for a very early fall based on the sheer volume of scumbags that are already there."
• "That's tier 2 CS in a nutshell these days. They know they're never going to play in a major, so what's the punishment?"
  • "All of these tier 2 fucks that are fixing games now they are like the fucking mafia compared to iBuyPower" "These guys are working with organized criminals to fix entire seasons worth of games. That's what's going on in your tier 2 CS."
• "I'm literally being told that there are players fixing games at all levels of Chinese esports and motherfuckers with guns are turning up to team houses and stuff."

North America

"Everyone in NA has left we've lost a continents worth of support during this pandemic and Valve haven't said a fucking word."

• RL says the Call of Duty "goblins" that destroyed CS for years are the same people who are now trying to leave CS. "The nerve to treat a game where the fans, and the community, and the TO's were nothing but good to you." "To just kick the players out now and go and leave and say 'It just doesn't make financial sense.' Oh you'll slither back when we have a major though for them stickers won't you."
• There's a cascading effect in NA where people don't bother with CS anymore and people like Chaos suffer.
• He says NA team owners are incompetent for always wanting it easy and always wanting a guarantee on their investment without skill or nuance.
  • RL says he would be able to market a team correctly and would have a good ROI and also points out how TSM wouldn't even be bothered to tweet that their team, which was one of the best in the world, was playing at the Major.
  • He also says not all NA owners are like that, compliments and respects Jason Lake who nearly lost everything to keep Complexity going.
• He then calls out the incompetence in Infinite Esports when they acquired OpTic Gaming and bought an Indian CS team.
  • He says HECZ is not to blame here and that they couldn't tell forsaken was cheating when it was so obvious.
    • They measured his reaction time to the likes of dev1ce and s1mple
    • When an enemy showed up on his screen he won that duel something like 44% of the time
    • "was like the number 1 player in the world statistically"
    • He brought a laptop to their bootcamp and refused to use the high end PCs that hey provided
• He respects Andy Miller (NRG CEO) and HECZ but says that the attitude of not being able to easily monetize their teams is "piss weak" and there needs to be a risk.
  • He says Chaos EC shouldn't be cutting their roster and should be competent enough to be able to figure out how to make money off their team.
• He says there are still opportunities in NA and people are panicking and pulling out, and says Valorant will be the same if not worse.
  • He also says "bums" who couldn't even get out of groups in NA competitions, are making crazy money in Valorant and says it will continue to inflate.
• He also said that he heard rumors that EG (Evil Geniuses) are done.
• He also thinks that the rumors of a Valve franchised league from before was sparked up from "these lazy fabled weak NA fucking team owners basically trying to see if Valve would bite at the hook if it was dangled and they didn't"
  • Slasher says NA team owners are really in favor of franchised leagues because they want to make more money. "Most of the powerful team owners right now are on board with ditching this third party organization structure, or they are trying to play this power politics with all the TOs, and that is contributing to a lot of the problems there"
• RL says that Riot has proved they can run a franchised league (LCS) and will be profitable in 2021 which is what a lot of team owners care about and says the competition will only serve to snatch people away from CS.
• RL continues to say, "I am so sick and tired of what we have done to this scene, I am just exhausted with it." "I think we have legitimately fucked it, I really think we have. I think we're staring into almost like a CGS (Championship Gaming Series) wasteland in NA." "Counter-Strike esports is a fucking joke."

Talent

"TO's have treated CS talent like absolute human garbage for years now."

• RL says that people like Sean Gares and ddk switching over to Valorant isn't for financial reasons because they are making less over there.
• He points out that TO's can't even give talent a 3 month in advance calendar.
• Because of the pandemic TO's won't hire certain people and some people are working more hours for the same money.
• He says we as a community don't respect journalists enough which is why we don't have good journalists.
  • He also says DeKay is leaving the scene soon and that Thorin is close to leaving also
• He says he had to talk a caster down from quitting and was struggling to find reasons.
• He says that DreamHack told Vince they would hire him but not if he wants to stick with dusT and says that this is the norm in esports. "Constant leveraging of people against each other." and says this is why we don't have a talent union.
• New gen casters are getting put into shit situations and the community's reaction to them is adding fuel to the fire
• He says the reason Moses left was because of the terrible conditions
• He says that Anders had to constantly leave his family and kid because someone fucked up or broke promises and had to constantly tell his kid to their face that "daddy can't be home this weekend."
• He says that esports has always been a lie to sell you this dream, "Meanwhile there's about 2% of the cunts getting all the checks."

Valve

"Anything that Riot does, is better than Valve's inaction"

• Slasher says that the larger aspect of esports as a whole compared to other entertainment mediums and Valve's lack of inattention are the bigger problems. He continues saying that the fact that Valve let their game be ran as an esport, they need to take on the responsibilities of it.
  • Both Slasher and RL wants Valve to take control but not on the level of Riot Games, there needs to be a balance.
• In case it was ever a question: Gabe Newell has been to 0 CSGO Majors.
• RL calls Valve out saying they could have done something during the gambling era.
• He says Valve used to come to the majors, but doesn't think they do anymore.
• RL had met with Valve at the Cluj-Napoca Major and had tried to appeal iBP's indefinite punishment and had also gave Brax's life story:
  • A recent family member passed away, they had lost a lot of income, they had to live in trailer, iBuyPower did not pay any salaries, and was pressured by family to make money who didn't support his career.
  • RL said that Valve told him, "How dare you try and make us feel guilty." "We shouldn't feel bad about enforcing the only thing that matters that we need to make players afraid of: cheating and match fixing"
  • RL also tried to share other info about match fixing and nothing came of it
• RL points out that Source 2 or a new engine is not something you will want based on the experience of transitioning from CS 1.6 to CS:S. "Valve's track record with brand new engines being launched, not fucking great from what I remember."
• Slasher says "If there is anything the community should do, is pressure Valve to hire a community manager."
  • They say that we need a commissioner, a community manager (not the person who runs the Twitter who posts memes all day), then we need to have a circuit
• RL reiterates that Valve doesn't care about CS esports and says they need to change the culture at Valve to make them care about CS esports
  • Slasher says a systemic problem is making it so working on CSGO would be a bad decision for you as an employee for Valve
• He also hasn't talked to Valve in ages and have sent over bugs and cheats and doesn't get emails back anymore
• Slasher says we should be directing attention at the developer leads, pointing out Ido Magal, if he even is still the project lead
  • RL thinks that Ido and Brian are the only people that "vaguely even give a fuck about CS" and were the only people that RL recalled that actually read Reddit and paid attention from time to time
• "It is really fucking precarious. Somebody has got to step the fuck up and start giving a shit"
  • Slasher suggests org owners, with CSPPA, with ESIC, with TOs have a concerted effort against Valve
• "Riot Games are doing better things than Valve in the esports space" which is something RL didn't think he'd say.
• "People who used to be talent, working with unions, arguing with other talent, when the unions fucked them over, can't understand their perspective, TOs fucking over broadcast talent, broadcast talent wanting to leave and go and work for orgs, orgs having no money, Valve might take coaches away because all the coaches are cheating, ESIC has about 4 people in a fucking call doing the investigations, everyone thinks they're spies for ESL, ESL are just the evil fucking overlords wanting to rule the scene and will just somehow, like cockroaches outliving a nuclear bomb, and Valve are in a fucking holiday in Hawaii thinking about the next Dota character because they don't give a fuck about us."

Closing Statements

"We've peaked. If we want to sustain and exist, now is the time to figure it out. No esports lasts as long as this, we've already done 8 years. We've already broke the records. We have got to figure out a way to coexist and drive the negative forces out and we need to do it as a collective and we're not doing that."

• RL compared the Counter-Strike scene to the people on the Titanic who ran around with guns robbing people while the boat was sinking.
• "We have given up on being a respectable esports scene." "We are now a conduit to make money for those who want to just milk it, just have one last ride, one last roll of the dice. It's done." "What a fucking mess. What have we done to our fucking scene?"
• "There's just too much self-interest driving all of this." "I don't see a way we stop the dominoes." "When it's that bad, when there's that many dishonest people that ESIC have to come out and say that if we punish them all there's no one left. What does that tell you?"
• "How many opportunities have we had to clean house? How many times have we said, 'this must never happen again', and another scandal." "The entire skins betting operations was the biggest criminal conspiracy in esports ever executed and no one has been punished for it." "The people who could be driving that don't want to."
• "Right now people are fans of those organizations because the scene has value. It is worth being a fan of Astralis because they are excellent at Counter-Strike. It is worth being a fan of s1mple because he is the best player in Counter-Strike, maybe the exception of ZywOo. If the scene is devalued, if the scene loses its meaning, those things lose its meaning too, and people will leave, people will stop tuning into the games. I have seen it happen in multiple esports, this is not my first time at the rodeo. I am getting big Brood War vibes right now and I don't like it."
• "The role you play in all of this as fans, as viewers, as listeners, as consumers of esports content, it's absolutely imperative that you know who the good guys are. It's absolutely imperative that you use your voice. It's absolutely imperative that when things are bad, you know who, at least, is trying to make them good, and you have to apply your criticism to the right targets."
  • He continues saying it's no good in continuing to attack ESIC and saying how they are bad, ESIC have it hard
• He says CSPPA are on the right side of the argument on BLAST but have been on the wrong side of many arguments many times.
  • "If you are not willing to stand along side the weakest member of the union, with the least amount of influence, and the least amount of power, then it is not a union at all and you shouldn't pose as one." "You wanna serve a bunch of special interest do it, everyone else in esports fucking does, but do not pose as something you are not." "We love the players. I've been fighting for players rights for as long as I've been able to, but the CSPPA is not what we needed."
    • "They are not applying the pressure to the right people, they are not fighting the right battles, they are not helping their weaker members."
• He says what orgs have done by keeping or hiring coaches is bad. "When you give up on holding an appreciable standard, you've lost the scene" "Competition matters, rules matter, punishments matter, achievements matter, excellence matters" "If you start stripping that away, you have nothing" "You guys need to take that knowledge and apply it sensibly."
• "Valve has sold you all down the river, they sold everyone in the esports scene down the river, tournament organizers are selling their talent down the river. Don't hate on them for sounding tired after a 16 hour day. Don't hate on them because the hype for a matchup they've seen for the 20th time in the past 3 months, they can't be as excited or it sounds contrived. Support your guys, they're there for you, these are your people."
• "This community has got to start acting like one for the first fucking time. Just put the petty shit away, let's try and fix this fucking scene while we still have one to save."
• "You can't rely on Valve, you can't rely on ESL, you can't rely on the CSPPA, you can't rely on anyone." "Once again, it's gonna be the likes of us, the amateurs, the people who give a fuck, rolling up our sleeves and grafting." "I'm old and tired and I don't want to have to do it again. People need to pick up the torch and do it."
  • "Like Michal did, like Dudenhoeffer did. You see something wrong, fix it. You see somebody doing something wrong, call it out. If you think something could be better, let people know."
• "Vote with your wallets if you're not happy with the direction Valve goes in. If when we do get to the Major, they serve up another subpar, same old bullshit stickers and signatures package again, do not buy it."
  • "You're a powerful block and if you use it correctly we can fucking avert this disaster."
• "I'm not doing another year in this broken, bust-up fucking scene, where everyone is miserable, everyone is broke, everyone is tired, and everyone is trying to fucking rob everyone else, blind, while the fucking people who are meant to be protecting you, are just fucking enhancing it and lining their own pockets."
  • "I'm not doing it anymore and you shouldn't want to do it either."
• "I stand by every fucking thing I said. I mean it, because this game fucking matters to me, this scene fucking matters to me. I put my life into this, my adult life, and to see it in this state is fucking sad."

Full disclosure, I'm stealing this idea from kawaiisocks based on this comment and I think it warrants discussion as a topic.
4x games, for those who don't know, are large scale strategy games that see players (typically) managing an empire and engaging in war, diplomacy, trade, exploration, and resource exploitation to drive economies and military engines. The namesake is originally short for "EXplore, EXpand, EXploit and EXterminate" but they're also often known as grand strategy games.
The most common examples are the Civilization series as well as many of Paradox's games (Stellaris, Crusader Kings, Europa Universalis) - at least among video games.
I personally like these types of games, to a point, I always get very excited to play them and then after a couple hours come to the unfortunate conclusion that I don't know what I'm doing anymore. My play quickly starts to lack intentionality outside of a vague attempt to expand. Intentionality is essentially informed decision making, allowing you to decide based on intent rather than whim, randomness, or make decisions that go against your intent due to a lack of information.
Decisions in these games are important, but too often I find myself defaulting to a non-decision because the consequences are unclear and difficult to comprehend. Cause and effect is very difficult to parse without intimate game knowledge, and suboptimal decisions seem to not matter much until it's too late.
I'm sure many have similar experiences. A "I had no idea this was going to be a problem 30 turns ago," and not because like someone declared a surprise war on you - simple stuff that really should be predictable but aren't because our minds become fatigued by an overload of information - no matter how many explanations and tooltips the games offer. And hell, some mechanics are straight up hidden. The games rely on computers to do hundreds of different calculations with many diverse and large numbers that are no problem for computers, but my feeble human mind can't wrap itself around them all. There are too many things, how can anyone fully comprehend the consequences of their or their opponent's actions in any given game? This causes player actions, aside from a few very dedicated fans, to lack intentionality.
Board games do not have this problem because they cannot rely on computers as administrators, everything must be comprehensible to the players or else the game does not work
This initially comes across as a major limitation, but I find it incredibly liberating at the same time. It means designers have to make a game that players need to understand how each mechanic works in its entirety and regularly keep in mind. This means a ton of the fat is cut and numbers and admin is kept manageable (ideally, some still fail at this).
Twilight Imperium is one of the largest board games out there. It clocks in at around an 8-12 hour playtime. Victory is decided one way: Who gets to 10 (or 14) points first. You can at most get one to three points in a single turn, with the largest point gains being open knowledge. Despite its massive size, it is incredibly slim compared to most video game 4x games.
Twilight Imperium is an epic space opera about politics, trade, and conquest. It features dozens of races with unique playstyles - it is has a rulebook with some 100 different items. People start in a home system and expand out, trying to remain King of the Hill to gain points (just one method of several) in a space that's too small, yet war is too costly, leaving players in an uneven tension trying to control as much space as possible without becoming weak. It's massive, yet even on a first playthrough - though there is a significant learning curve - players can act with intentionality. It's not because the game is simple, it's not, but it is manageable and comprehensible.
In Civ VI I couldn't tell you how to get to certain techs, I'd have to consult the tech tree which I can never memorize. It takes many turns to get there, how many? Don't know. Based on what? Science buildings. How many? Don't know. Depends on how many cities and other techs I have. And if I get inspirations for others.
In TI4 - how do I get the top of the line red tech? Have three other red techs or (there's four total) or a combination of that and one or more of the planets with red tech bonuses. That's it - easy to plan for, if I want something, I know how to get it. When do I get that tech? Well, if I can get a "gain technology" action off (which happens regularly, but has costs associated) I can get one tech - so if I beeline it for that red tech, I can get there in like four rounds. Or - if I grab a red tech planet, three rounds! Ah, and the war sun requires three red, one green, one yellow - so if I really try I can unlock this super powerful unit within six rounds and be a menace, potentially.
Now that's not a great strategy, most of the time war suns aren't bothered with because the cost is high - but they do offer a real clear advantage. The important thing I'm trying to show here is that mentally calculating a plan is relatively easy. Plans rarely hold together with the changing landscape, but you can make them, you can act with intent - you can say "I want this, this is cool" and visualize the path to it. Where there is uncertainty is combat, and that uncertainty is due to the nature of dice rolls being unpredictable - but this is to the game's benefit. The game's deliberate with its uncertainty, allowing the possibility for unexpected defeats and victories, making the decision to initiate a conflict a known gamble.
What's also uncertain is how the other players will act and what you can or cannot convince them of. Everyone is different, but figuring it out requires engaging with the players. This is great! This is what you play a social game for after all. You're not here to try to figure out how some obtuse AI calculates their decisions, you're seeing if your friend is going to hold a grudge over that last battle. You can sort of do this with video games, but I find most 4x games deemphasize this. Board games are, by nature, more open with information - and they typically play into this. Again, it allows one to act with intentionality - I might not be aware of what will happen, but I can make educated predictions and play around that possibility space. There's only a few spaces I have to worry about, not literally hundreds of tiles with fog of war over them.
TL;DR: Board games are actually mentally manageable by nature, or at least are intended to be. Video games have gotten away with letting their mechanics and admin bloat to a degree where grand strategy and 4x games require either expertise or being okay with not making informed decisions most of the time. And I don't believe this is to the benefit of these 4x games, I believe it makes them bloated and frustrating once the novelty wears off and you're tasked with dozens of fiddly mechanics that the game doesn't even expect you to know, but are impactful.
Sorry about the rambling. This could absolutely be better organized. But eh.

What is this only a day between posts? it's a miracle. The sleep schedule has taken a hit for this one so I hope you enjoy it. Twoflower68 is trucking along trying to keep this all a lot less messy than the results of 3 AM writing by a goblin with a chaingun-typewriter normally would.
Anywho it's time we see how our impromptu boy band gets along and whether Sapphire has already been bored to death from sitting around. So let's get on with the show.
ko-fi for those feeling generous
Sapphire
First Previous Next
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Chapter 65: Uhm Who Is In Charge?
“I told you we should have brought someone who knew where we were going” Jarix protested as they flew along the forest's edge.
They had been at this for nearly an hour now and no sign of any dragonettes. Tom reckoned Jarix was fast even on the cruise Tom reckoned maybe 130 to 140 as they went along. Meaning they had likely covered over 80 kilometers already accounting for a bit of backtracking here and there. And yet they had found nothing.
“This doesn’t make sense, could they still be on the ground searching for those herb things?” Tom questioned.
“Look don’t ask any of us, we have no clue” Radexi defended.
“Let’s land for a bit before we get completely lost.”
“Okay then, go down low and circle back again, I’m used to navigating by ground, let’s see if we can find where we hunted those red deer.”
“Fine, at least that is more fun than this,” Jarix replied, clearly not very optimistic.
Radexi and Tom took a shoulder each as they sat peering out ahead trying to spot something.
It took a while but they finally came across a familiar-looking hilltop.
“There, left turn one eighth” They seriously needed to improve on this system.
“Left turn” Jarix replied, flying over the hilltop and sure enough there were the tracks left by his quadbike… why hadn’t they just followed those?
“Goddammit, I’m an idiot. We could just have followed those tracks”
“What why… what is that?” Jarix questioned.
“My quad bike, you’ll see soon enough those lead home.”
“You really aren't good at this are you?” Radexi added from behind.
“Yeah yeah, I can't fly that’s my excuse. Well, we are where we are supposed to now. So where are they?”
“I’m gonna get some altitude so they can see us.”
Jarix climbed up hard, he was surprisingly nimble for his size and even seemed to be able to match the dragonettes for climb-rate. He wasn’t even breathing hard from doing so either.
“Jarix targets two-thirds left. Is that them?” Radexi asked, pointing to the horizon. Tom strained to look. He did make out four dots on the horizon which seemed to be approaching. That was behind them though.
“Yep” came the reply from Jarix. “Turning to intercept” It took a few minutes for the range to close but eventually Tom could make them out as well.
As they reached each other the dragonettes turned to match Jarix's direction, setting down on his back. All seeming a little winded, especially Wiperna.
“Why didn’t you stop? We’ve been chasing for kilometers." Fengi questioned setting down.
“I didn’t see you” Tom replied. Zarko looked less than pleased.
“Who was rear lookout?” Radexi and Tom looked at each other. “For a teacher you sure suck at learning Tom and I expect better from you.” She went pointing at Radexi.
Wiperna was still wheezing trying to catch her breath clearly not used to this kind of flying.
“Whu… why are you so fast?”
“That is my job, who gave me such a kind compliment?” Jarix responded.
“Wiperna” She got out.
“Right, you’re the one whose fields I need to plow I think”
“This is a weird day” Wiperna went, giving up and just laying down.
“So you all look tired” Tom tried in as innocent a voice as he could manage.
“I’m not” Jackalope replied with her usual lack of tact standing proudly with of all things two jackalopes hanging over her shoulder. ‘touche’ Tom thought to himself.
“Well, that is good to hear” Zarko replied in a discouraging tone which achieved exactly nothing.
“Wanna race?”
“Uhh yeah,” Jarix replied as if that was the easiest question ever, which to his credit it might well be. “Not with all you lot on board you are rather heavy you know”
Tom looked around at the six people currently standing on Jarix’s back while flying. Well, Wiperna was still lying down which didn't really help with the space situation.
“Oh shut it Jarix it’s good exercise,” Zarko replied
“I flew nearly a week to get here. I don't need more exercise right now and my belly is full from last night as well.”
“Yesterday you were starving, now you're overfed. Does a happy medium exist?”
“Fewer people on my back would do nicely”
“Oh, poor dragon who can’t handle a few passengers”
“Really? How about I try and stand on you one day and see how that goes” They were clearly joking. Tom guessed they had known each other for a while. Based on what Archeon said, Jarix should be good for over a ton of cargo probably more. “And I only said if I was going to race someone.”
“Uhm before any racing could we not get some hunting?” Fengi asked. “Tom, could you do that trick you and Sapphire did again?”
“Sure I think Jarix has a better idea though.”
There was a bit of a crackle, then a boom, that made everyone flinch, followed by a chuckle from Jarix.
“Oh yeah, I do.”
Jackalopes excitement was both visible and audible as she cheered “Best hunt ever. No offense Tom”
”Hell no I can’t compete with a flying lightning cannon… Not yet at least”
“Isn’t that irresponsible?” Wiperna questioned.
“I’m not a huntress, who has seniority here?”Zarko replied. It was at that moment Tom realized the catastrophic error that had been committed, as he turned to Jackalope who was standing there obliviously. The only silvered huntress present.
As it finally clicked for her, she began cackling madly rubbing her hands together. “Let's get started”
__________________________________________________________________________________
Sapphire was getting the distinct impression Baltehon was making this easy for her. Not once had she even had to go for something philosophical or even a metaphor. She didn’t mind, but after a while, the game did sort of die a bit. She had learned the one to her left, was called Canabrera, she was a little older than Sapphire, only a few years though and they had gotten a decent conversation going.
She even knew where Vultcha Keep was, apparently having made a few stops there in the past, having served with another trader who had elected to take some time off having made enough money for a while.
Canabrera was one of the newly hired escorts following the bloody battle to reach Bizmati keep. After a bit, Canabrera brought out some dice in a little box with a glass lid. Sapphire hadn’t seen one before. it was rather clever, even if you had to time the dice throws with the wingbeats to keep them from rolling around.
Sapphire had never been a gambling person, but a friendly game was always good fun. She glanced over at Baron every once in a while. As much as she would like to berate the bitch all the way there she was fairly confident things were gonna be more entertaining over here. She wondered how they would manage with Jarix back home. She had never seen a dragon hunt before, Esmeralda would get him in line though she was sure of that… Wait.
“Dakota!”
“What is it Saph?” Dakota replied, seemingly a bit confused at the sudden outburst.
“We left Jacky in charge of the hunt, with a dragon and Tom” Dakota developed a sort of deep thousand-yard stare. Not answering
“Ohh noo” Balethon added, shaking his head.
“What’s the matter, surely it can’t be that bad, she seemed friendly enough,” Canebrera questioned.
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“Target dead ahead, we’ll break ’em up for ya. Fengi, Wiperna with me. Wanna come Zarko?”
“I’m fine here, the boys need some oversight I think.” This was yet another in the long list of stupid ideas that might work. Tom should maybe have tried to take some more responsibility but Jackalope was in charge so any disasters were on her after all. IT didn’t hurt that he really wanted to see how this lightning breath worked.
“Suit yourself, Geronimo!”
“Does she actually know what she is doing?” Radexi questioned.
“More than any of us I’m afraid” Tom answered.
“She seems very sensible” Jarix added, sounding perfectly serious. Perhaps assessing people’s character should be worked into the lessons Tom thought to himself.
The three girls set about herding the deer away from the forest further into the open marshes. Jarix following behind from above so as not to scare them yet.
“Now Tom this is gonna be a steep dive. Make sure those goggles are secure and you hang on tight.” Zarko went in a serious tone. Tom had no clue how quickly an 8-ton dragon could dive but it was likely fairly fast, so he did as instructed. He moved to make sure he had both good foot and handholds.
“They’re starting to split up now, here we go” Jarix pitched down pulling his wings in close to his sides as they began to fall. The sensation of being pulled down by Jarix was different from when Tom had flown with the dragonettes. They fell at about the same rate this was like holding onto an elevator with its cables cut. As the dive continued Tom guessed they were well above terminal velocity for a human. They had maybe 1.000 meters of altitude to scrub and Jarix didn’t seem to mind falling most of the way in one go.
Tom pulled himself close to Jarix lying as flat as he could manage the wind screaming in his ears. He had no clue how fast they were going, but he was fairly sure this was a new speed record for him in this world. Zarko and especially Radexi seemed to be enjoying themselves immensely, even if Tom was unsure as to whether it was the dive or him providing the entertainment.
As they approached the ground Jarix started to slowly extend his wings, but only by a little. Tom looked around fighting the wind to get a better look. He was making a kind of delta wing? As the young dragon started to pull up the familiar sense of G-forces returned it was a strange feeling when lying on top of something but it was no less thrilling. This was a proper rollercoaster.
“Wuuuhuuu!!” Tom let out in glee. Oh yeah, this was about as much fun as he had imagined as a kid.
They came upon the herd of red deer they were still traveling at considerable speed. Tom strained to get as good a look as he could manage, looking over the side in front of Jarix’s left-wing.
He saw Jackalope off to the side, clearly positioned to get the best view she could as they came speeding by. Tom felt the hairs on his neck stand on end as the air around him almost started to crackle. The sound was more like that of a rail gun charging as Jarix inhaled it with a static electric whine that sent shivers down Tom’s spine. Followed by a single bright streak of bluish light that looked more like a beam than a lightning bolt. It impacted the ground in a split second resulting in a bright flash with lightning arcing in every direction, even in the middle of that day it was perfectly visible.
No long breath spreading the love around, it was like a single shot that hit the ground, followed by an echoing boom. Jarix hadn’t even managed to hit one of the deer, but the electrical arcs could be seen spreading through the grass as they went by.
Jarix pulled in a fresh breath letting out a sigh.
“Pheew, that oughta do it”
“Good shot, right on target”
“Now that’s what I’m talking about!” Radexi added.
Tom looked behind them to see, maybe half a dozen deer all lying legs in the air, the grass blackened all around the small crater in the ground. The three girls came circling down as the remaining deer bolted in a blind panic.
“Holy shit” Tom let out gawking. That was one hell of a weapon, and he had been worried about a damn machine gun.
“Try that on for size, mister nearly as well-armed as me” Jarix went in a sarcastic tone, scoring a short laugh from Zarko and Radexi.
“Not gonna argue with that. Though it would be more like a storm of lightning”
“Oh I can do that too” Jarxi clarified “Spitting works great for ground targets though”
“You can say that again”
They had come down next to the others taking a look at the damage, which was extensive. Jackalope was beside herself with excitement of course.
“That was awesome, look at them! I mean that one is a bit busted, but still, look at them!”
Tom glanced around at the fairly singed looking deer, one clearly having been a bit close to the impact site. It was a disfigured mess hardly recognizable as a deer. He slid off Jarix to have a look around, inspecting the ground and the impact crater.
“You want that one Jarix? I mean it’s already sorta cooked.” Jackalope then went. pointing at the chared deer.
“Eew no, I don’t like raw meat, that’s for savages”
“We can light a fire under it if you want” She continued
“No thanks,” Jarxi replied, clearly not thrilled with the prospect.
“Isn’t this cruel?” Wiperna had questioned, clearly disturbed by the scene. In hindsight bringing the resident animal lover along might not have been the brightest idea, they had ever had.
“I doubt a deer has died this quickly around here in a while. Well short of when Sapphire decides to show off, anywho we need to get these back to the keep.” Jackalope’s answer sounding a tad annoyed at the part about Sapphire. “How much can you carry Jarix?”
Jarix took a step back looking at all the six dead deer. “Five is no problem” He finally replied, looking at the mangled one Tom was now inspecting.
“What’s the matter, soldier? Scared of blood?” Tom questioned
“No of course not. I’ll take five, they look heavy.”
“I guess we will have to come back for the last one then.” Tom just stated, getting up.
“But my harness” Jarix pleaded. Tom had to admit it was very nice. Mostly made of the dark blue leather the dragonettes seemed to use for most things. There were some white pieces here and there though. Most of the handholds were polished metal too and there was even some engraving on parts of the armor plates.
“A soldier that doesn’t want to get dirty? I have shown you what a soldier is expected to go through, does this look bad to you? Or do I need to get a mud bath going?”
“I’ll take all six... think you can scrub it out?” Jarix went looking to Radexi with a pained expression on his face.
“Sure thing boss” Well at least Radexi was still positive.
“I’ll grant you though it’s a nice harness. Perhaps we should have something less nice made for things like this.”
“But it’s mine though It was a gift from my mother.”
“Yeah, but there is no use ruining it. It should survive a bit of blood though if it’s as well made as it looks.” Jarix just let out a discontented grump as an answer.
By the time they had finished carrying all the deer up and lashing them down securely, Jarix looked more like a medivac for a fictional deer army than a hunter on the job. It did the trick though and they were soon airborne, the girls having gotten the herb collecting done prior to their arrival.
They had matched cruising speeds, the dragonettes flying under their own power with Jarix breaking the wind for them. It wasn’t fair that he had to carry both everything and everyone, after all. They had tried to keep the mess to a minimum but still, Radexi would have his work cut out for him.
They had set down outside the keep to begin the process of prepping the carcasses. Unkai and Herron had come down to meet them. In Tom and Esmeralda's stead, they had been tasked with taking care of the children for at least some of the day. Judging by the crying and the two very weary faces that had been a tall order even for a couple of hours.
“Hey Turinia, how is it going?” Tom tried in his best diplomatic voice.
“Holdey bit me” Turinia let out sobbing a bit.
“Holdey! that isn’t nice. Come here let me have a look at that.” Well, bite might have been a bit of an exaggeration, but there were actually teeth marks. Tom had struggled a bit with coming to terms with the at times slightly more violent tendencies of the dragonettes. This wasn’t that bad though.
“But she took my bricks!”
“NO, I was playing with them!”
“If you keep fighting over blocks of wood, like this you are never gonna get those legos I talked about. Now come here” Tom picked up Turinia to try and comfort her.
“Now now, no harm done and you shouldn’t take what isn’t yours either. Would you two help them unload? I’ll take care of this.” Raulf and Herron looked rather relieved at the prospect of physical labor so they must have had a rough time of it.
“Get yourself cleaned off Jarix and take some time off. There will be another movie tonight, a bit more fun than last time though..”
“Another movie?” Jackalope questioned excitedly.
“Yep two in fact, not about war though, but I think you are gonna like it.” Jackalope looked a little slack-eared, but Fengi and Wiperna definitely perked up at that.
So with Kiran clambering up to his usual perched Tom went about the next duty of his day. Trying to figure out whose bricks had been stolen and by whom. Maybe he should just make more bricks for them. That would have to come after winding the coils for the motor though. He wondered if Shiva was still conscious enough to discuss that?
__________________________________________________________________________________
So big dragon go *zap boom* and need some kleenex. As always I do hope enjoyed the chapter and the story as a whole, most of you certainly seem to do so. If you got any feedback, questions, or general banta by all means take to the comment's section below. I love prowling around down there looking for something interesting or hilarious.
Until next time have an awesome day.
​
ko-fi for those feeling generous
First Previous Next

1What retiring early is like

It's fucking great.
I wake up happy, I do pretty much whatever I want during the day, I go to sleep happy.
I indulge my limited passions and hobbies, I plunge down fascinating rabbit holes of knowledge, I bugger off to places for months at a time (harder with Brexit, you xenophobic malcontents), I spend time with people I want to. I feel smug.
I don't have an alarm waking me up, I don't need to take any shit off anyone, I don't burn 90 mins a day on a loud bus screeching stop announcements at 90db in my ear.
In the summer I sometimes pop over to the local greenery, have a pint and meal, read a book, soak up the sun. Great stuff.
My phone is always on silent. It can wait.
People occasionally ask me “what I do all day”. If your imagination is so limited, living in such an incredible time, with so much at your fingertips, that the question even crosses your mind, then carry on working and bitching about it, you don't know how to be happy.
“Scipio used to say that he was never less idle than when he had nothing to do “ - Cicero, On Duties.

2How to get there

2.1Difficulty modes

2.1.1Easy mode: Get free university education, get a good job, buy a cheap house

Not too difficult if you were born in 1972. Easy mode is now disabled in the UK. Maybe available in foreign versions of the game, such as in Greece or Denmark.

2.1.2Medium mode: Don't have kids

I swear to god, I have been pretty lucky not to accidentally father a crotch goblin, and believe me, little Goocho often vetoed my brain. Use contraceptives. Notice how all the shit hole countries don't give women control over their reproduction.
If I had foolishly crapped out a kid, I would have had to work another 10 years at least I reckon. Ugh.
Borrow kids to play with them, and return when they start crying.

2.1.3Hard mode: Have kids

Look, if you are spending 100k or whatever to raise a kid I don't know what to tell you, at least you got laid eh?
I hope you enjoy working like I didn't. Seriously, if you have a job you like, great stuff, things will be much easier for you. The impetus to leave it won't be so great. The point of all this is to be happy after all!

2.2Control your costs

Filling your house full of nonsense is consumerism at it's worst.
I practice a kind of minimalism. So I don't own a freezer, a cooker or a dish washing machine. Guess what? They will never need repairing or replacing! But I do own an amazing OLED tv, a solid speaker system, loads of films and books. Minimalism is a whole other subject, and attracts the mentally ill who take it to extremes. Spend money on a decent mattress you fools.
Subscriptions are death by a thousand cuts, and will weigh you down. However Netflix and Amazon Prime are great. Shades of grey.
Screw charities, charity workers get paid salaries and you are supposed to give for free? Nope. Begging scum. “it is only the price of a coffee”, bitch please, I pay 10p a cup for my lovely coffee.
Pay your taxes. Don't be a leech on society.
Live in a small house.
Aldi is great.
If you don't get married, you can't get ruinously divorced, .
Insurance is generally a scam, if you are drunkenly fucking up so regularly than you need your phone insured, sort your life out.
You really need that car? Hmmm. If you are driving to the supermarket and paying for the gym, you are an idiot. Those two cancel each other out.
Only unhappy people play the lottery.
Buy a decent phone for £200, pay £5 a month for service. You think iFruit users will look down upon you? Comparison is the thief of joy.
DIY accomplishments are mentally rewarding, great exercise and cheap – or you can throw money at a problem to make it go away, this is the point of money after all, we sell and buy time with it. Before I buy anything big, I ask myself, is this worth x days sitting in an office for​?
Spend your money how you like, I am not your mum.
Enjoy what you have.

2.3Plan a little

Write down (don't guess) how much you spend a month over a couple of years.
For investments, assume inflation cancels out general increase in non distributing equity value. This is all a rough guessing game anyway, don't pretend it isn't.
I think there are two ways to look at when you can stop working:

2.3.1Cash drawdown per month until death

If you assume you are going to die around 85 (actuarial tables available online), divide your cash + private pension wealth + state pension amount will pay you until age 85 by the number of months left to live, this tells you how much you can spend a month before you die. Sounds like enough? Investment appreciation means you might have more than that.

2.3.2Cash dividends per month

You have a lumpsum of wealth. Flexible uk pension rules means you no longer need to take the annuity gamble. 4% returns a year seems conservatively doable. Can you live on that? Means you die with a load of cash. Stash it in your silk lined coffin.

2.4Play it safe, but not too safe

Assume laws and taxes will change. Don't count too much on that state pension.
If the NHS falls ill itself, you might need some cash to go private. Good luck getting that hip surgery in the next 12 months post covid!
If the stock market takes a 10% dump, you must still sleep soundly. Don't live too close to the edge.
Assume and hope your parents will spend all their wealth on themselves, having a happy end of life in an old folks home. Points off as a human being for relying on your parent snuffing it for free money.
What if your body conks out and you start shitting yourself and have to pay 4k a month to be served Dickensian gruel in a nursing home? Trust in the societal safety net? Work another 5 years just in case? Keep a cyanide pill by the bed? Sell your house I guess? I'm rolling the dice on this one. Maybe dancing in VR and these 50 degree Victorian terrace stairs will keep me fit (or kill me).

2.5Personal Story

Went to Uni, got a Computering degree, got a job I liked, autistic-ally worked at it, got paid lots of money, bought a house at 26 for 48k, parents threw in 10k to get rid of me, paid off the mortgage in 30 months.
After 8 years in said job, started to dislike it, took 6 months off work. Worked another 2 years before I got made redundant, 15k for doing nothing? Yes please!
Worked about half the time from age 32 to 46 as Contractor scum, in jobs I generally disliked or eventually hated. Had 2-3 years between jobs. Snatching retirement chunks from the future. I figured, why leave retirement until I am too old to enjoy it? Took around 3 months to get a new job each time, I didn't care, I loved not working!
Played casino blackjack for a couple of years for ~8 hours a week, made £12k. Shuffling machines have stopped all that now, was bored of it anyway.
Decided at 40 I had better get a pension, threw money at it when working.
So at 46, when I walked out on the pathetic management at my last gig (FIS Birmingham, you see when you are retired, you really don't have to give a shit!), I had worked for a total of ~15 years, thoroughly enjoyed not working and was sick of working.
At 47 I realised maybe I don't actually need another job? Started paying real attention to my finances.
At 48, I have 110k cash & 140k pension = 250k. 4% a year dividends = 10k a year. I can live happily on that.
£800 a month is enough. I spent £350 a month in December and January, had a great time. Will get a PS5 when available, boiler is bound to break eventually. It all evens out.
My state pension fortells a sickly £117 per week. Meh. Forgive me for not factoring that in too much. Who knows where I will be in 20 years? Hopefully sleeping in late without an alarm clock.

Cover || First
Previously
O-O-O
Author's Note: I guess it's a blue moon because here's your second chapter this week! This chapter and the next are both dedicated to my late grandma, who’s favorite time of year was Christmas. She loved spending time with her family and I hope to capture some of that spirit in my writing. Enjoy!
O-O-O
1510, 18 December 2252, Clarke Hotel, Von Braun, Luna
“You did WHAT?!” Sam’s eyes narrowed with anger as she looked at the three of them.
“I-I c-can e-expla-in,” Lian stuttered while trying to appear as small as possible..
Sean held up his hand in front of the trembling programmer. “I’ve got it.” Sean took a deep breath and began to explain, “Lian found some juicy intel about the PFS goons we faced in some hackable Gold Horizon comms. We wanted to blow the whole thing open so we went where there would be more details about this.”
Sam ran her hands through her hair and asked, “What if you’d gotten caught?!”
Ana replied from the corner of the common room, “Nothing good.”
“I know!” Sam’s voice was undercut with an angry growl.
Matt raised his hands “Look, don’t you want to know what we found?”
“It better be fucking worth it.”
Lian looked up and said with a wavering voice, “Y-yeah, s-so...the whole thing with Gold Horizon selling mech d-designs...that’s just the b-beginning. T-there’s comms logs with encrypted c-contents that went to the PFS.”
It felt like the room dropped below freezing as Ana asked, “Why would Gold Horizon be communicating with terrorists?”
“They happened a few days before e-each attack. I t-think...they’re working t-together or s-something. They d-didn’t even obscure the a-address.”
“No...that can’t be....”
Lian swallowed and continued. “I a-assume it gets even worse if you can see the m-messages, but I haven’t d-decrypted anything yet.”
“Fuck.”
“Th-that still isn’t the worst p-part. Around the s-same time, Gold Horizon was also r-receiving messages from...somewhere e-else, hidden. I d-don’t know who it is or what they said, b-but they look a b-bit like o-orders.”
Matt collapsed into a chair as the strength left his body entirely. “Who would even be able to order them around?”
Sam walked to Lian and loomed over the cowering snow leopard. She asked, “How well did you cover your tracks?” as her voice wavered with fear.
“E-E-Extremely. They won’t know what hit them...or even that t-they got h-h-hit.”
Ana growled as she clenched her fists. “We need to go public with this.” Her tail lashed like a whip behind her. “They can’t get away with this.”
Matt shivered and replied, “Ana, we can’t do that!”
“Why not? Blow the fucking top off this whole fucking thing.” She gritted and then bared her teeth as she growled.
Matt shot back, “Because then they know their game is up! And we might not have perfectly covered our tracks!”
“I c-couldn’t completely erase our presence there....”
Ana sneered at Lian, “Well then that’s y—” Sam grabbed Ana’s shoulder and pushed her into a seat.
“Ana, cool off please. One at a time.” She let go of the irate snow leopard. “Lian, what’s the next step?”
“D-Decrypting the data I have. I found the k-key generation program and grabbed th-that first.”
“Once you’ve done that?”
“We act o-on whatever is in the files?”
“Okay.” Sam took a deep breath. “Ana, it would be very unwise to make any of this public. It can be linked to us if they really try, and if we blow the lid off...they’re gonna try.”
Her claws dug into the chair. “Fine.”
Sam shook her head. “I cannot stress this enough. This didn’t happen. Don’t mention this to anyone that isn’t in this room right now.”
Sean lounged over the back of a chair. “Spy shit is a lot more fun when it’s fake.”
Sam exhaled and sat down. “Lian, is there some way we can secure our comms?”
Lian chuckled nervously. “I thought you’d n-never ask.”
“Do that. As soon as possible.” Sam sighed as she leaned back.
Matt sighed. “So, was this worth it Sam?”
“I haven’t decided. In the future, stupid...shit like this should be a unanimous decision. I’m disappointed you did it behind my and Ana’s back.”
Lian’s gaze sunk to the floor as Matt nodded. “That’s understandable.”
“I’m glad we know now, but we need to be careful. They can make us disappear...and that’s just Gold Horizon. Whoever is giving orders...I don’t want to know what they can do.”
O-O-O
0930, 19 December 2252, Ana’s Room, Clarke Hotel, Von Braun, Luna
Ana blinked awake with a shudder. The world had been upended entirely and she felt sick. She dragged herself out of bed and began the arduous process of making her hair and fur presentable.
She began to brush her teeth and cringed at the strong mint taste. She spat the foam into the sink and looked in the mirror. Her sullen eyes stared back at her. Something was missing. She shook her head and got dressed. At least her sleep had been peaceful last night.
Ana looked at her terminal. The conversation she had with Sam weighed heavily on her mind, possibly even heavier than the revelation that the entire conflict with the PFS was a sham. With shaking hands she snatched the terminal and began typing a message to Matt. She deleted the message a few times and retyped it.
Can you come to my room? I’ve got something I’d like to talk to you about.
A few minutes later Matt knocked at her door. “I’m uh...here.” She walked to the door and opened it, seeing her copilot standing there in exercise pants and a tee shirt.
Ana sighed. “Come in.”
“What’s up?” Ana shut the door behind him and tried to calm her storming emotions.
Ana ran her hands through her hair and shook her head. She sank to the bed with a sigh. “You’re too kind to me. I really don’t deserve it.”
Matt tilted his head slightly. “We have to support each other, or else we’d get shot down.”
Ana groaned as she looked down at her paws. “There you go again.”
Ana felt the mattress sink slightly as Matt sat down a respectful distance away. “I forgive you. I’ve got a pretty good idea why you were so...prickly back then. It can’t have been easy....” Losing your sister, she filled in the unspoken conclusion to the sentence.
Her spotted tail whipped behind her, one of the only indicators of her raging emotions. “It wasn’t.” Ana stood up and paced around the room. “You’re really okay with how I treated you?”
“I mean...it sucked. I almost quit, but I decided I wasn’t letting my chance go, and now I know what you went through. It won’t heal the scars, but it does make them hurt a bit less.”
Ana’s face flushed with shame as she sucked in a breath through her teeth. “Scars...shit. Did I scar your shoulders?”
“A little bit, yeah. You can barely see it unless you know where to look.”
Ana sighed again. “S...sorry.”
Matt nodded and stood up. “Have you had breakfast yet?”
“No.”
“Let’s fix that.”
O-O-O
Matt walked out of Ana’s room and into the common area. Ana grabbed a protein bar from the counter before sitting down on a couch and tearing into it. Matt’s stomach rumbled as he grabbed a breakfast pocket from the fridge. He stuck it in the reheater and sat down at the table. His model of the ROMEO stood complete, with cockpit hatches opened. Barely visible inside were miniscule figures of himself and Ana. The thought still brought a slight smile to his face in spite of the circumstances. Sean yawned as he walked out of his room into the common area, the sound of a flushing toilet echoing before the door slid shut.
Ana asked, “Has anyone seen Sam?”
Sean nodded. “Yeah, she went out to get some decorations. Said we were going to spice up the place.”
Matt took his breakfast out of the reheater and said, “Well bringing the Solstice spirit inside would help the mood.”
Ana replied sullenly, “Maybe.” Matt finished eating in silence then stared into the table. His terminal buzzed with a message. He pulled out his glasses and powered on the overlay. It was from Sam.
Could you guys come to the lobby? I could use some help getting some decorations upstairs.
Matt typed a quick reply and said, “Sam’s got the decorations in the lobby, she wants help to get them up here.”
Ana grunted as she stood up. “Fine by me.” Matt walked to the elevator at the end of the hallway and pushed the call button. Motors hummed above them as the elevator doors opened with a chime. The car descended slowly before the doors slid open again.
Matt’s eyes went wide as he stepped out of the elevator car. There was a colossal amount of stuff in the lobby. “Sam, where’s all this from?”
The lynx smiled weakly next to a container almost as long as she was tall. “I used to live here. All this was in a storage unit in case I came back.”
Sean whistled. “Damn, you must have had a big house.”
She nodded wistfully. “I did. Let’s get this stuff put up.” Sam waved them over and began directing them to carry the boxes into the elevator.
O-O-O
Matt looked at the decorated common room with a smile. It had taken the better part of a day, with a break for lunch, but the room oozed vaguely Christmas-y spirit. The entire room smelt faintly of pine, while a tall dark green tree stood in the corner, wrapped with multicolor lights. Holiday music rich in brass horns played from a speaker in the corner as Sam put the finishing touches on the table. A red tablecloth covered the cheap plastic table and electric candles flickered pleasantly.
Sam grinned, though something seemed off with her expression. “Good job guys. This really feels like home now.”
“Glad to have helped.”
Lian stepped into the common room and murmured, “Wow,” as his head spun around.
Matt gestured to the room and said, “Happy holidays, Lian.”
Lian grinned and replied, “You t-too.” After a moment, he coughed and said, “I’ve not been able to crack it yet. T-There has to be some vulnerability, s-somewhere.”
Matt patted the shorter snow leopard on the shoulder “You’ll get it eventually.”
“I have to.”
Sam walked over to them and said, “Lian, try and relax, this is supposed to be a break.”
Lian exasperatedly raised his hands and exclaimed, “B-But it’s an interesting problem!”
Sam sighed. “How much do you actually need to be by your computer for it to decode?”
“That’s...not important.” Sam motioned ‘go on’ as Lian sighed, “I don’t need to be there once it starts.”
Sam tilted her head and asked, “So why don’t you spend some time with us?”
Lian sighed again. “Fine.”
O-O-O
1650, 20 December 2252, Clarke Hotel, Von Braun, Luna
Matt grinned as his parents resolved onscreen. He had the time after helping Sam remove the storage boxes of decorations to touch base with them. His dad asked, “How’s it going, son?”
He thought for a moment and then replied, “It’s been okay, dad. My mech is in for repairs. We had to eject in our last fight.”
A few seconds passed while the data crossed the hundreds of thousands of kilometers before his mom leaned in and asked, “How bad was it darling? We couldn’t find any clear videos.”
Matt blew air out and chuckled. “You probably don’t want to know. The mech is in one piece...now...mostly.”
His mother’s piercing gaze still was effective from several light-seconds away. She asked, “But you weren’t hurt, right?”
“No. Nothing major, just some bruises from getting a bit knocked around.”
His mother frowned and shook her head. “This is why I was worried. Didn’t I say that Simon?” She tapped his father on the shoulder as she sighed.
“Yes you did dear, but we’re supporting him now, right?”
She nodded and asked, “Is your Ranger okay?”
Matt remembered her limp form curled in his arms after they ejected. “She...had a bit of a bad reaction, but I calmed her down. She’s actually...kinda nice when you get past her prickly exterior.”
His mother’s expression softened. “Well that’s good to hear.”
His dad sighed and asked, “You’re sure that you can’t make it home for Christmas?”
“Yeah, they’ve got us locked down because of the...recent PFS activity. That was who we fought last Thursday by the way.”
His dad nodded. “It was on the newsfeeds. We could barely see what happened.”
Matt remembered the nauseating spin that their mech had been left in before they ejected. He nodded. “Probably for the best.” Matt opened his mouth to mention the opposition he had fought and then thought better of it. “We pretty much...lost.”
“I’m sure you’ll do better next time.”
Matt solemnly nodded and said, “Hopefully yeah.”
Deftly changing the conversation, his dad said, “So you said you’re staying at Von Braun? I’ve got some friends there in the CLLSS department of dome...12? I don’t remember.”
Matt chuckled. “I don’t think your life support nerd friends are really gonna be the people I want to talk with here.”
His dad shook his head and tried to keep his grin from being too obvious. “I’m hurt, really.”
A message popped up on his screen. “Wait a second.” He opened it and quickly read it. “Sorry, I need to head out to get some groceries for the team dinner.”
“Good luck!”
“Thanks. I love you guys.”
“We love you too! Bye.” Matt smiled as he hung up the call. He took a moment to grab his backpack and a hat to hopefully disguise himself enough to avoid recognition. Walking into the common area, he passed Ana and Sam preparing something that smelled delicious. Lian waved awkwardly from the couch at Matt.
Sean announced his presence with an exaggerated, “Let’s go do some shopping!”
O-O-O
Sam sprinkled seasoning into the pot of broth. Ana had volunteered to help with the pot roast for tonight’s dinner. It was the perfect opportunity; just send the three men to get groceries and Sam and Ana had privacy again. The snow leopard was to her left and was chopping potatoes. Sam turned to Ana and said, “You should really talk with your family again, Ana. They probably miss you.”
The snow leopard quietly responded, “I don’t know if I can,” as she dumped a mat full of diced potatoes into a bowl.
Sam chuckled as she looked at the recipe in front of her. “You’re one of the strongest people I know. You fly something in hard vac expecting it to get shot full of holes. You can do this.”
The knife thudded as it sliced a few millimeters into the cutting mat. “That’s different and you know it.”
Sam asked, “Do you want your parents to lose both of their daughters instead of just one?” Ana gritted her teeth and softly hissed as her frown grew, baring her fangs.
With a wavering voice Ana said, “Stop. Just...stop. Please.” She put down the knife on the counter and stood in stagnant silence. Sam looked back to the pressure cooker. Ana walked away from the counter. Her voice was tinged with pain as she said. “I’ll do it. Just...stop.” Sam didn't turn around as Ana exited the room. She hoped that pushing that point would be worth it.
O-O-O
Ana wished the door to her room could slam. The lynx was right. Of course Sam was fucking right. She sank to the bed and grabbed a pillow to scream into. The soft pillow muffled her scream to a barely audible whine.
Ana picked up her tablet. Her hands shivered as she navigated to her chat application and opened the chat with her mother.
Mom, I know it’s been a wh—
Ana shook her head as she deleted the message. That wouldn’t do. She tried again.
Hello again mother, how have—
“No.” Her finger pressed against the delete key. She began to type again, her fingers flying over her tablet.
Can we talk, mom? I know it’s been a while. Just us.
Ana looked over the message. That would work. Now all she needed to do was hit send. Her finger hovered over the button, trembling. Ana sat there, frozen in place. With a grunt of frustration, she flipped over, driving her face into the bed and blindly stabbed at the button.
Her shoulders shook as she raised her head slightly to gaze at the tablet. A few minutes passed before the screen flared to life with a message.
Of course Kisa. Does now work?
Her mother was still calling her kitten. That was probably a good sign? She didn’t seem mad, but she could seem calm even when she was boiling with emotion. Ana’s stomach roiled with nervous energy as she walked to the bathroom. She needed to look a bit more composed. She ran a brush through her hair and combed her facial hair into some semblance of order. Ana walked back to the bed, and grabbed her tablet, propping it up on the small desk before sinking into the chair.
Ana took a deep breath before hitting the ‘Video Call’ button. It began ringing, then a few seconds later, the call connected. Ana recognized the room immediately. It was her mother’s reading room, on the second floor of her home. The dark faux panels provided a high contrast for her nearly white hair.
Irina’s muzzle warped a bit as she smiled. “It’s been a long time since we’ve talked, Kisa.”
Ana flinched. “Don’t call me that. I’m not a cub anymore.”
There was a noticeable time delay before she responded. “You’ll always be my cub dear.” She shook her head and laughed. “I won’t talk about work with you. Why did you choose now to call me, dear?”
Ana lowered her eyes to the desk and coughed. “I wanted to apologize.” She took a deep breath and steeled her emotions. “I failed to protect her.” Ana choked back a sob and whispered, “Sorry.”
Ana heard her mother gasp before she sternly said, “No. Absolutely not. We both know it was bad luck. Don’t blame yourself for chance.”
Ana shook her head as her eyes watered. “That random chance wouldn’t have happened if I was a better Ranger.”
As Ana looked back up she saw her mother’s expression soften. “Kisa...Ana. Don’t think like that.” She sighed, reaching towards the screen, as if to caress her daughter. “Thinking that way only leads to insanity and madness. You can change the past as much as you can breath vacuum.”
Ana didn’t say anything in response but weakly nodded. Her stomach twisted into knots as she asked, “Who hates me now?” As the round trip timer ticked down, she braced herself.
Irina’s eyes widened in surprise. “Hm? None of them do, Ana. They miss you.”
Ana went limp and flatly asked, “What?” It felt like there was a fight in her body and all the sides were losing.
“You’ve not sent messages or called since March. I don’t know how my daughter is doing.”
“Poorly.” Ana reached up with a shaky hand and said, “I’ve got to go,” before jabbing at the red button.
Ana saw her mother reach towards the screen with an open hand as she frantically said, “No, wait. You can’t leave yet.”
With a shiver Ana let a slight whine escape her mouth. “I...mom, I feel like I need to be sick.”
Irina reached towards the screen again before stopping herself with a slight sigh. “Nerves, Kisa. They will pass.”
Ana looked down, averting her gaze. “I’ve felt like this since Matt and I got shot down and...we had to bail out. I don’t think it’s passing.” She looked back up into her mother’s pale icy irises.
Her mother nodded sympathetically. “That makes sense. Would you like to know what helped me with feeling like that?”
Ana felt her eyes water. She had missed this. “Please. Anything that could help me.”
Her mother thought for a moment past the communication delay. “Find an anchor.”
“What?”
“Find someone or something that you can lean on. You need to weather the storm of your feelings, and it’s difficult to do that alone. Everyone’s anchor is different, and people can have more than one. Yours was Annika and you were hers. Now you need to find another.”
“Alright...I can do that.” Ana took shuddering breaths to calm herself. “How’s it been back home?”
“Oh it’s been pretty good all things considered. Your father blew up an engine test stand last month....”
O-O-O
1845, 20 December 2252, Clarke Hotel, Von Braun, Luna
Sam dumped the vegetables into the pressure cooker and pushed the lid down, locking it in place with a metallic click. Her tufted ears twitched as a door slid open behind her. That could be only one person. She began cleaning the kitchen’s surfaces, pretending she didn’t hear Ana’s soft footsteps coming back to the kitchen.
Ana said “Thank you,” so quietly that Sam almost didn’t hear it over the running sink.
Sam turned around and gently asked, “It went well?” Ana nodded. “I could use some help with the cutting mats. They’re a bit dirty, and I don’t want to stain them.”
Ana nodded slightly and said, “Sounds good.” Sam sighed in relief. The snow leopard seemed to be doing better. Her gamble had paid off. She didn’t like seeing Ana’s raw pain and hopefully, this was a step towards healing for the hurting Ranger.
O-O-O
Matt walked into the lobby of the hotel and asked, “Why did Sam send all of us out? It’s not like this is too much for two people to carry.” His single bag clinked with two bottles of red wine. “If I was careful, I could carry this all myself.”
“Many hands make light work. It’s what my grandpa used to say.” Sean was carrying a loaf of bread and gingerly held a whole watermelon under his left arm. Lian nodded in agreement. He was carrying a bag with a large package of chips and an imitation cheese dip.
Matt pressed the elevator call button and stepped in as the doors slid open. The elevator moved smoothly up. The doors slid open as the wonderful smell of Sam’s cooking hit Matt like a delicious wall. The aromatic scent washed over him in layers. As they stepped into the common area, Matt noticed something had changed with Ana. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was definitely something different with the snow leopard. Maybe it was her stance or something about how she held her tail, but he could tell, even when her back was to him and she was washing dishes.
“Ah perfect!” Sam held out her hands to Sean. “You were able to find a watermelon!” The redheaded man gently handed the round green fruit over.
“I almost dropped it when we were leaving the store.”
“I’m glad that you didn’t.” Sam laughed. “That would have been a bad loss.” Sam sat the watermelon on the counter next to a large dish and began to cut into the sweet fruit with careful motions. She said, “The roast is done, I’ll get it out once I’ve cut the watermelon. Feel free to seat yourselves.”
Matt sat down across from Sean and narrowed his eyes slightly as Ana sat next to him. It had only been a few months since they were constantly at each other’s throats. He much preferred this.
“Dinner is served.” Sam reached in and sat a large pot on a hot pad in the middle of the table. “If there’s no objections, I’d like to have dinner by candlelight.” A chorus of affirmative murmuring answered her as she dimmed the lights. Sean stood up to pour everyone a glass of wine as Sam moved the other dishes to the table.
The serving dish made its way around the table, each team member serving themselves a generous helping of the main dish. Matt stabbed a chunk of synth beef and a potato cube and placed them in his mouth. It tasted even better than it smelled. Rich, multi-layered flavor from all the components in the roast exploded onto his tongue.
Matt chewed the roast, savoring it, then swallowed. “That’s good. You’ve outdone yourself.” Sam smiled at the group’s appreciation. Matt tried to eat slowly, but in what seemed like no time at all, the food in front of him was almost gone, only a broth left. He served himself a piece of toasted bread to soak up the juices.
Sean laughed as he told a story to Sam. The contrast to the first time Matt had eaten dinner with these people was remarkable. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed even Ana had a grin on her face.
Sam looked around the table, and seeing that everyone was done with the main course, proclaimed, “Time for dessert!” She stood up and grabbed a stack of small bowls along with the bowl of pale red fruit. “Now don’t eat this quickly please. You’re going to want to savor it.”
Matt bit into a cube and tasted sweet juice spill out of the fruit. No wonder this is so expensive. “As far as first impressions go this is probably one of the best I think I’ve had.” In a few minutes, everyone had finished their deserts. Matt leaned forward to see if there was any watermelon left in the bowl. He leaned back with a disappointed sigh. Matt felt gas bubbling up from his stomach as he raised his hand to his mouth. After a quiet belch he said, “Great food Sam.” Sean and Lian echoed their own compliments, while Ana sat in contemplative silence. Matt noticed the flickering candlelight in her wide pupils before looking away.
O-O-O
Ana leaned back in the chair as she stretched. “That food was very well made.”
Sam beamed at the compliments. “You’re welcome.”
“Shall we have a toast?” Sean held up a piece of toasted bread in his left hand before chuckling and holding out his wine glass. The electric candles flickered, reflecting off the glass as Ana sat back up and raised her glass. Sean said, “To getting to the bottom of things.” Ana echoed the sentiment vigorously
Sean vaguely gestured to his left. Sam raised her glass and proclaimed with little time for thought, “To family.”
The table echoed Sam. “To family.” Sam looked in Lian’s direction. Lian waved his free hand at Matt frantically.
The human raised his glass, and said, “To friendship.” A connection formed in Ana’s brain with a flash. Matt was her anchor. He had brought her back from the brink. It had to be him.
Sean nudged her arm causing Ana to jump. She repeated the toast a few moments after the rest of the table. Matt looked in her direction, the flickering light reflecting off his brown face. Ana raised her glass and said, “To victory.”
Ana watched Matt nod as he said, “To victory.”
They all said in unison, “Cheers,” before beginning to sip their drinks.
Sam finished the last of her glass and asked, “Would anyone like to watch the Von Braun University Orchestra’s solstice show? It’ll be live broadcast in....” Sam checked her watch, “Seven minutes.”
Matt replied, “Sounds fun.”
Sean stood up and stretched. “I’ve gotta take a leak, I’ll be back in a sec.”
Ana blinked slowly and sarcastically said, “Thank you for the extremely important information.”
“I can get the d-dishes.”
Matt sank into the couch and looked at the vidscreen. Sam sat on the other end of the couch and began fiddling with the remote. In a few moments, a standby image with snowflakes drifting down occupied the screen. Matt watched Ana sit on a recliner a few feet from him and put the footrest out. Sean and Lian ended up on the two-seat couch a few moments before the broadcast started.
The camera focused on the back of a brown-furred canine man wearing a white suit and holding a baton. He raised his arms as the dozens of people in the pit readied their instruments. They launched into a slow tempo beautiful song.
O-O-O
2055, 20 December 2252, Clarke Hotel, Von Braun, Luna
As the final note of the final song decrescendoed into nothing, Matt yawned. “I think I’m going to bed.” He stood up and stretched, feeling his back pop. “Thanks again for dinner, Sam.”
“It was my pleasure.”
Matt turned on his heel and said, “Good night guys. Sleep well.” He opened the door to his room and slowly changed into his sleepwear. He sat on his bed for a few minutes, pondering the information Lian had found. The motive didn’t make sense. The PFS was violently anti-corporate, so why would they be listening to Gold Horizon? And for that matter, why would Gold Horizon communicate with a group that opposed their existence? Unfortunately, the programmer still hadn’t made any progress on cracking the encrypted data. Shaking his head, he got up and ambled into the bathroom. Matt began brushing his teeth before he heard someone knock at his door. He spat out the minty foam and walked to the door. With a press of a button, it slid open, revealing Ana in black sweatpants and light grey tank top.
“Hey, Matt.”
Matt furrowed his brow and replied, “Uh...hi Ana.”
“May I come in?”
Matt wondered what she was doing here. He stepped aside and said, “Sure.” Ana fell into his desk chair and rested her head in her hands. Matt shut the door and walked towards her. “Is something wrong?”
She raised her hand to stop him from getting closer. “I don’t know...I don’t think so.”
Looking at her slightly trembling form, he said, “It sure seems like something is wrong.”
She blew air out of her nose and took a deep breath back in. “I talked with my mother earlier today.”
Matt smiled slightly and asked, “How did that go?”
Ana shivered. “She misses me, and so does the rest of my family...but that’s not why I’m here.”
Matt swallowed and asked. “Why are you here then?”
“I used to lean on Ani when I was feeling lost. I...can’t do that anymore.” Ana took a few rapid breaths and continued. “She was my anchor. I think you’re....” Her volume fell off rapidly and she practically mouthed the last words.
Matt strained to hear the end of her thought in vain. “I’m what?”
Ana looked up and took a deep breath. “I think you’re my new one.” She sighed. “My new anchor.”
Matt tilted his head quizzically. “What does that mean?”
She closed her eyes for a while before opening them and answering, “You brought me back from the edge when we...after we had to eject.”
A vision of Ana’s suited body in the fetal position formed in his mind’s eye. “I remember.”
“You brought me from panic to...well...less panicked.”
“I’m glad to have been able to help.”
“I’m still...fuck, look at me. I’m shaking like a leaf.” Ana raised her hand and looked at it as it shook. “I’m still feeling...freaked out. With everything that’s happened I...I just feel so...scared.”
“I do too. These are frightening times.” Matt sat down on the edge of the bed. “Can I do anything to help you feel less scared?” Ana mumbled something with the word ‘hold’ in it, but he wasn’t able to make out much else. “What?”
“When....” her ears twitched profusely, “when you...held me. After. It made me feel safe for the first time since...then.” Matt’s face flushed with heat as he looked at the similarly embarrassed snow leopard.
“You...want me to hold you?”
“If that’s okay.” She quickly added, “If you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”
“I’d be okay with trying that.” Matt coughed and added. “To make you feel safe again, of course.”
“Of course.” Ana stood up and looked around the room, her ears twitching every few seconds. “How would we...do that? There’s a bit too much gravity for me to float.”
“I can probably lift you pretty easily....you can’t weigh more than a fifteen-kilo weight in one gee right now.”
“Oh right.” Ana shuffled towards him and narrowed her eyes. “If I...hm.” She rubbed her chin. “Catch me.”
“What?” Ana jumped slightly into the air and curled into a ball before she started to descend. “Oh.” Matt stuck out his arms, wrapping them around Ana’s shoulders and waist respectively. He felt Ana relax in his arms as tension leaked out of her body.
A low rumble built in her chest as she said, “Mmmmm...this is nice.”
Matt’s hand began slipping up her body. “Uhhh...you’re not as easy to hold on to as a fifteen-kilo weight.”
Ana murmured quietly, “You could hold me on the bed....”
Matt’s face flushed again as he swallowed. Suddenly his mouth was very dry. “Alright.” He gently sat the curled snow leopard on the large bed and laid down beside her. “Where would you like me to—oh.” Ana pulled his arms around her abdomen as her tail rested along his leg.
Matt could feel her heart racing through his hands as she asked nervously, “Is this okay?” He felt the tip of her tail tap him on the foot as she tensed the muscles in it. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say that it had a mind of its own.
Matt spat a few strands of her hair out of his mouth “Now it is.”
Ana turned her head and asked, “Room, could you dim the lights to ten percent?” The lights dimmed to near darkness as Ana shuffled back. She whispered, “I feel safer already.”
O-O-O
Next (Coming Soon)

Do you know any good resources for game / gambling probability questions, especially for interview preparation?
I'm looking for questions like 'On average, how many cards have to be drawn from a standard 52 card deck until a full house is contained in the cards?' or questions concerning optimal strategies in games with opponents, dice and card games/bets and how to approximate probabilities/expectations for hard problems (e.g. for the first question above) in a couple of minutes with pen and paper (without simulations).
I've already read the classics like Heard on the street and A practical guide to quant finance interviews, but the problems in these tend to be a little bit too easy for my purposes.

Greetings reddit. I finally managed a the first game of our new season which was a breath of fresh air. Granted it was only the very beginning of the season so far and single game at that, but it was excellent to try the new rules. This is actually a draft for a write up for our league page and after I get the stats and player names in hand I will plug them in and add more small details here and there, but you should get the drift. It was a terribly exciting match and had us sweating bullets for much of it.
Match Report: Comets at Ichor Coughers
It was a beautiful day for the opening game of the second season of TOLL blood bowl. And the weather was perfect. The two teams: The Altdorf Twintail Comets (Human, CTV 995 KGP) versus the Tollheim Ichor Coughers (Vampire, 1000 KGP). DA COMMISH' looked on in pride a single tear rolling down his cheek.
This was also the first game to be played (Officially) on the brand new astrogranite pitch, although judging by the detritus and refuse, it certainly appeared that there had been a few pick up games or at least a small scale brawl before the actual kickoff proper.
Lady VonZasswhippen and Magnus the Magus, coaches of the vampires and humans respectively, look on over the proceedings leading up to the coin toss.
As league tradition dictates, Vampires (IRL Coach: DA COMMISH') may not successfully call any coin toss and the tradition starts strong in season two as the Comets elect to receive the ball at the start of the first half. The ball is kicked deep, and the cheering fans being spurred on strongly by the single cheerleader for the Twintail Comets which was enough to awaken an inner energy in a blessed statue of Nuffle which granted (HUMAN CATCHER PLAYER) confidence and ability beyond what he is used to temporarily gaining the PRO skill for the match. Immediately Doom and Gloom begins to spread around the Vampire bench fearing that Nuffle is against them so soon. But Nuffle giveth and Nuffle taketh away we all know.
Early turns in the half see the Comets grabbing the ball and making quick progress up the pitch almost taking it into the endzone. This "fresh" Vampire team, having not stepped gilded boot onto the pitch in decades or perhaps even centuries(?) spent much of their time raging at the sun when it dared to peek from behind the clouds and their thrall minions as well. Their sheer ferocity left one or two thralls eating dirt and more than a few openings for the quick moving humans who practiced often in the off season, to make progress forward. Luckily their fangs weren't so strong as to do any permanent harm to their semi-willing minions.
The comets do as their name suggests and they speed in taking the biscuit as close to the basket as possible but the vampires, Lord Chesterfield the Emboldened (Vampire Blitzer #1) in particular, mount a last minute defensive assault stopping the rush and even managing to take out the Nuffle-blessed (HUMAN CATCHER) knocking them out cold and loosing the ball in the process. And thus began the scrum to get the ball back.
Humans, despite losing their blessed catcher, press forward and manage to get ahold of the ball in an absolute rush to get to the endzone trips up over his own feet dropping the ball on the line as if each one was a glaring eye of Nuffle themself looking down on the match.
Vampires again recover the ball and begin to sweep back and lay a few key blocks, but the humans continued to fight back. Humans get the ball again, and again in their eagerness to reach the end zone as soon as possible going for it with all their vigor slip up and drop the ball again. Both the Vampires and Nuffle's will playing serious defense and barely keeping up against the relentless assault by the humans.
The Ichor Coughers decide that enough is enough and by now more of the other vampires and thralls have come in to support the assault in the end zone and they begin to push back using the last of their resolves and team training as the game becomes an all out wild show.
Vampires hold on but struggle to gain ground and Altdorf's finest fight back but skulls prevent the way on a key block giving the vampires the desperate chance they need to prevent the touchdown with almost certainty and Nuffle willing, score one of their own!
Lord Chesterfield the emboldened looses an absolute smiting beam of a pass which is almost caught if not for the interference of a human lineman causing a turnover as the final seconds ticked down. But the ball was out of the red zone in either case as the half slowly reaches its conclusion. Humans fight back laying down blocks leaving the vamps only enough wiggle room to throw a single vanity pass for a completion giving (VAMPIRE) the first SPP of the game.
The half closes at a standstill, zero to zero.
Second half opens with a human blitz no doubt feeling like the pressure is on as the ball is kicked to the vampires. They kick it shallow and move in lightning quick managing to recover the ball even before the first turn of the second half. Needless to say the Vampires were stunned as again Nuffle seemed to be showing favor to the humans. But not stunned enough to prevent the will to fight back! The action and excitement of the humans trying to get the ball ended up leaving the ball carrier out in the open. The Vamps didn't waste any time capitalizing on the situation putting the lonesome human down, recovering the ball quickly and getting into an early position.
Humans lay down heavy blocks as thralls are KO'd left and right filling the dugout with unconscious bodies putting immense number pressure on the vampire team, but they still held the ball. For now. Eventually humans come in hot with the blitz and the vampire ball carrier is toppled near the sideline just within the human half of the pitch sending the ball flying as a melee begins to ensue around the ball with vampires, thralls, humans, and an ogre vying for control. Hard pressure from both sides as players pile into the mass of violence.
Vamps being slower to join the fray in support of the previous ball carrier began to slowly push humans towards the sidelines. And (INJURED HUMAN) even ended up in the crowd, no doubt those cheering for the Tollheim Team, dealing grievous injuries which will see (HUMAN) missing the next game. The melee around the ball continued to heat up. Eventually humans break free with a smart pass to an (OPEN HUMAN PLAYER)open player and easily outrun the one or two Thralls outside of the melee and score a quick touchdown. +1 SPP to (PLAYER) and +3 SPP to (PLAYER) for their efforts.
1 to 0, Comets in the lead kicking once again back to the Vampires on their turn 6.
Vamps receive the ball safely and press forward towards the halfway line not wasting any time as the clock is working against them. Despite terrible pressure due to a great number of their knocked out thralls still out cold, they begin to run the ball forward for a final last chance to score before the game ends.
Humans see what is coming and spread their defence out into a wide pattern covering any and all players who could potentially make it into the end zone and receive a pass as the Vampire ball carrier was poised to deliver. The final desperate play for the touchdown involved one Vamp blitzing through his blocker and getting into position to receive the ball. Then the Thrower (VAMP WHO THREW) needed to manage a dodge away from pressure, and maneuvered into throwing position sending another beamer of a miracle pass just between two defenders into the waiting arms of (VAMP WHO SCORED TD) and tie the game on their turn 8. This still left a single turn left for the Comets to do something when the time out whistle was blown during the last kickoff as the ball was a touchback. The match ends in violence despite of it, but nothing came of the senseless(?) violence and the first match is a one one tie. An exciting and wild affair that saw both sides fighting and struggling each turn until the bitter end.
Post Match Reflection: (Epic Ramble warning. TLDR at the end.)
So you can see that it was quite the barn burner. I was playing the vamps and my first turn was a whole lot of failed animal savagery rolls, but I managed to keep it under control and hold off the initial score. Getting blitzed on the second kick off and then subsequently losing like 4 thralls in a row (On my 11 player team!) was absolutely horrendous, but again, I fought through it and Nuffle did me plenty of favors dropping ones and skulls with tremendous timing when my buddy got a little overzealous with his GFI rolls or on super crucial blocks against my ball carrier on one or two occasions.
I remembered why I love the vamps still despite having lots of trepidation with the amount of fuss people were kicking up online. I felt the pain granted, and none of my animal Savagery rolls ended up being fatal so I was certainly lucky in that respect, but more often than not I had one or two vamps standing there without tackle zones when I was getting into crunch time and just needed vamps to go places for the potential gaze. Gaze was crucial, but a gamble all the same. Most enemy players avoided my vamps, even without tackle zones since they are really tough and resource heavy to get 2D blocks on with ST3 people despite being fairly vulnerable. So if a Vamp wasn't really in a strategic spot to intercept blockers, then I would just roll the dice and see if they could squeeze out a gaze, sometimes even after marking two or three other players just to get them in there for the basically free blocks.
AS4+ vs. 2+ is a huge consideration. I am willing to risk the 2+ so once I got vamps deeper within a scrum or group of people I didn't really need to 'babysit' them as much since a 2+ is fairly reliable (Nuffle willing) and usually had one or two team rerolls if I didn't feel like failing and NEEDED that vamp to throw the block. Obviously ST 4 and AG2+ is excellent and they are just so reliable with anything it feels like when they are actually allowed to do things haha.
Managed two accurate passes and caught one of them although I was only 1 off of catching the first attempt which might have swayed the game in my favor honestly. But rerolls got cooked off hella fast. I have 4 RR on this 4 Vamp team and I used them all up by like turn 5 or 6. The multi-RR in a single turn factor is actually quite nice and really lets you make plays when you need them to be made. My friend cooked through his real quick in the first half and he became quite vulnerable to skulls and snakes which ended up biting him a bit. We both learned our lesson a bit and tried to take it easy, but re rolls got used and it was just how it had to be. I was initially very surprised and actually somewhat opposed to the multi-RR per turn change in the rules, but I quite like it now. Also, the humans tossed one 'wildly inaccurate' pass and it ended up deviating only a single square, but if it had been worse would have really changed things. I want to see more of those (From my opponents of course).
Final thoughts:
Vamps rolling a 4+/2+ or knocking down a thrall is what it is. I got lucky and only stunned my thralls, but when the time comes for me to pay the piper no doubt I will have a different opinion on it. Only using them to move/pass/gaze is a part of the game, but that just means you need vamps in good positions from the get go. I ended up putting them on the ends of my LOS so they got those blocks in with a thrall diagonally outside if needed. They put in work on the front line and when bolstered by even one or two other thralls makes for a nice and easy domino effect putting down the opponents whole LOS with reliable two dice blocks.
Vamps failing AS without a thrall is brutal, but not the end of the world. Just gotta know and be willing to take a risk. I did it the first turn to see how bad it really was and had a human catcher moving some obscene amount of squares and pretty much a full cage right past literally my only linebacker because he was mad about blood and sunlight. That sucked, but I bounced back and that same vamp came in for a deadly blitz. Not activating key vamps is still important strategy. I plan on trying to put vamps in position to intercept incoming players like little fly traps and then getting off 'free' blocks since the 2+ isn't as big a risk as the 4+. Honestly, almost treating them like Khemri Tomb Guardians or tree men blocking off the pitch and funneling play into the part of the pitch you want them to go to. Then they blitz/block the ball loose and begin the process of scoring via elf bullshit. (This previous sentence may have just given me my ultimate battle plan going forward and in all honesty is going to become a team mantra. Damn.)
Thralls are done for. But they can throw blocks and should. I need a bench, but made enough cash off the first game so that is easily doable. Thralls that haven't acted yet, but get knocked down, can still get back up! I forgot this until halfway through the game. Take care which way you lay down your 'unactivated, but freshly knocked down' thralls so you don't forget that. It is one of the huge advantages of the new AS knock down style if you don't break armor.
Gaze is still excellent. Use it often if you can spare moving some vamps and have a few thralls at the ready which won't break down your lines of defense/offense. Mentally prepare yourself to just fail the roll everytime and expect thralls to die and then if/when they don't it is just that much better. Then as they break free and go and have fun, thralls race to try and keep up with them. Instead of thralls preceding vampire actions going where they want to be after taking actions, now thralls are playing catch up chasing down vamps after they do their action giving a little more leeway in placement. Thralls that were chasing a "run & gaze" vamp who finally finds some blocking chances can now help out another Vamp who has found themselves left behind or stuck without a tacklezone offering their precious bodies to get them back in.
Thoughts about BB20 in general: Love the multi rerolls. Love the smooth pre and post game phases. Winnings and skilling up awesome. Made tons of cash off of a draw and a single TD each. Enough to buy a new thrall and potentially a cheerleader. Or maybe just get an Apo. Scored a single TD, and two Completions, that with the MVP ended up allowing two of my players to roll a random primary skill up. Buying a another player and skilling up two players after a single game? That is unheard of in the games I play in. This edition is already packing my treasury (As if I would allow it!) and skilling my players up adding great flavor to them, although I am not happy about a 'sure feet' vampire, a thrall with 'kick' will no doubt allow me loads more control going forward. And for ONLY a 10K bump each. When we get a few more games in the inducements are going to be wild. Prayers to nuffle came up in a kickoff result giving pro to his catcher for the game, but I KO'd him right away and that was pretty much that for the game. Still a thrill to see. I am very impressed and pleased with the new edition so far, especially with league play and the post game sequence and what that implied for games going forward. I used to lament silently that it felt like forever to gain even enough SPP to do anything as even getting MVP meant I needed at least one more SPP to skill up before, whereas now my dumb thrall gets MVP (Random is legit imo) and I can roll a random primary skill for them. (As if I would go out of the way to pay more spp/wait/bloat my team for a dumb thrall. The thrall was born to die!) Can't beat that man. Making me care about thralls (At least one of them) is a feat in itself.
Best tie game I have played since the conclusion of the previous season! And offers a lot of promise into the matches going forward for the league. If you managed to read all this by all means comment or ask a question since I am clearly happy to discuss at length about it!
TLDR; Treat vamps like Khemri Tomb Guardians or Fling tree men blocking off portions of the pitch (Or catching fools in their tackle zones) and funneling play into the part of the pitch you want them to go to. Then they blitz/block the ball loose and begin the process of scoring via elf bullshit. Anticipate thralls eating it and treat them not as a gift of nuffle. Rolling AS2+ is riskable without a thrall, while AS4+ is more risky. Don't forget to activate knocked down thralls who only didn't get their armor broken!

Please keep in mind, this is NOT based on any rumors or anything else — this is simply my wishlist if I was in charge of the game design. I also know including everything listed here probably isn’t possible, and would take forever to make.
I’m happy to clarify/discuss/answer what I can as well, as I’ll try to keep it fairly short (I probably won’t)
General gameplay/quest design:
1) Single player experience. This is what most fallout fans want, and it makes it possible to have permanent effects around the map based on the protagonists decisions. MAYBE if everything else is perfect, I’d be happy with a 2-4 player co-op
2) The reputation and Karma system should make a comeback. This already sorta happened in the far harbor DLC with reputation.
3) change map markers so that they only appear near your objective. Force the character to follow roads, interact with NPC’s, ask for directions, really study the world.
4) time limits for quests from FO1, fo2. It makes sense that certain quests would have a time limit before negative consequences show up
5) keep perk system from fo4 instead of skill point system. It prevents the ridiculous CH1, speech 100 type situations, and most calculations are dice rolls nowadays anyway.
6) NPC’s should react differently to you based upon whether or not your weapon is drawn.
7) disguises should make a comeback. This adds ways to get through certain territories, adds ways to finish quests.
8) keep junk economy and crafting system, do it more like fo4 than 76 where any amount of junk was guaranteed to be a profit.
9) bring back old speech system from FO1, 2, 3, FNV, 76 wastelanders — maybe even perk or character stat based speech checks.
10) please don’t have the game take itself too seriously. Add goofy characters like fantastic from FNV — “they asked if I had a degree in theoretical physics. I said I had a theoretical degree in physics. They said welcome aboard!”
11) keep photomode. It truly feels nostalgic, even when I looked back after not playing 76 for about 2 years.
weapons/armovats/combat
1) add strength requirement to use weapons (maybe endurance for some) for PROPER use. Penalties for using a weapon you don’t have the requirements for could be swaying aim, reduced accuracy, critical failures on occasion, worse weapon condition (dropped weapon, broken limbs, shooting/hurting yourself)
2) fo4 style vats. It’s easy for anyone to use, AND agility/luck perk investments made a vats build really powerful
3) change the way armoweapon condition work. Maybe something like weapon cleaning in red dead 2 where poorly maintained weapons give you a slower reload/worse accuracy and damage, but junk collection is still guaranteed profit. Maybe even shops in settlements give buffs when they clean weapons/fix armor.
4) random legendary drops would stay. Can change character builds, make different run throughs of the game unique.
5) make weaker enemies let you pass, or run away.
settlements/factions
1) let the player be a raider if they want. Increases the amount of roles a character could play, and could also give unique quest lines and benefits.
2) caravans between settlements should only be allowed to pass with proper protection of caravan and/or control of routes they’ll take. Alternatively, you should be able to coordinate caravan raids as a raider if that’s the route you want to go.
3) settlements should look more like cities rather than farms. It only makes sense that a farm would be massacred by wildlife/raiders much more quickly than a proper city.
4) have settlements provide unique items (ex. A pre-war ammo factory could produce ammo, a farm-based settlement could consistently provide food/water for players, a settlement around a mine could provide various raw materials and ores).
miscellaneous
1) One thing I’ve always thought would be cool is if fixable robots were scattered throughout the wasteland. With high intelligence/perception, a character could fix robots themselves. With high charisma/caps/reputation, they could get other people to fix and program robots for them. Once fixed, they could act as shopkeepers, farmers, guards, or even protect caravans in allied settlements.
2) make a map combining elements of fo3, 4, 76. I loved the emptiness and lonely feeing of fo3’s map. I loved the makeshift feeling of diamond city and the noire feeing of good neighbor in fo4’s map. I loved the verticality of fo76’s map and in Boston in fo4.
3) please keep survival mode in mind when designing the game. I’m so used to fo, I can’t play
4) please make mini games and a truly interactive world. Gambling, an area like the combat zone in fo4 was supposed to be, working carnivals, golf at golf courses, etc.

Hi everybody! I'm here to talk about what I think is one of the coolest things in the new Deathwatch book: The stratagem Brotherhood of Veterans. (abbreviated BoV from here on)
For those who don't know, BoV is a stratagem that lets one Deathwatch unit temporarily replace its Chapter Tactic (Xenos Hunters) with another chapter's Chapter Tactic. This is a flavorful, powerful, and versatile option that really expresses the core of what Deathwatch are in the fluff and brings that onto the table in a meaningful way. That combination of flavor, power, and versatility makes the stratagem very attractive, but the wide variety of options and high cost can make it complicated to actually use effectively.
What It Is:

• It's a Stratagem used in the Command Phase, which means
  • It costs CP (2 to be exact)
  • It can only be used once per turn, so you have to choose carefully how to use it
  • It can be subject to various anti-stratagem abilities that may increase its cost or make it unplayable
  • You have to decide and declare how you're going to use it when planning out your turn, not as a response to what happens during your turn. (though you could conceivably use it as a response to something that happens in your command phase, such as failing an important Litany roll)
  • You have to use it before reinforcements come in the movement phase.
• It replaces Xenos Hunters with any Chapter Tactic or Successor Tactic from Codex: Space Marines, which means
  • You can't get your re-roll-ones from Xenos Hunters while under the effects of BoV
    • This isn't always a big loss, given how situational Xenos Hunters can be in actual practice
    • You probably still get the full benefit of a Kill-Team Specialism stacking with your Xenos Hunters choice, if you have one. The Specialisms don't require the unit to actually have Xenos Hunters in order to work as written.
  • You can only pick from the 12 other Chapter Tactics in the core Codex: Space Marines or the Successor Tactics in the same book. Nothing from Forge World or White Dwarf.
    • Note that a Successor Tactic refers to the individual abilities and not to the combination of two Successor Tactics that one gets to chose when building a successor chapter. i.e., you can't get a full custom Chapter Tactic: you get half of one.
  • Because both parts of Xenos Hunters are not only conditional but also redundant with common HQ auras, it's not uncommon to have a unit getting nothing from Xenos Hunters. Being able to replace Xenos Hunters in that case is pretty nice.
• It lasts until the end of your turn, which means
  • Your unit goes back to Xenos Hunters at the end of your turn, rather than keeping the chosen tactic into the opponent's turn
    • This means defensive/reactive Chapter Tactics that get their value on your opponent's turn will deactivate before getting their chance to shine
  • On the bright side, this means you can get the full benefit of most chapter tactics since it will be active in every phase of your own turn rather than just one phase.
• It can be used on any Deathwatch unit, Which means
  • It's not limited by the usual keywords like Core, Character, etc. Only the Deathwatch keyword matters.
  • You can use it on characters, tanks, flyers, whatever as long as they're Deathwatch!

​
What it Isn't:

• It's not cheap and not always efficient
  • 2CP adds up quickly, especially for something so versatile you can find a use for it every turn
  • You are giving up Xenos Hunters in addition to paying the 2CP, which isn't necessarily a good trade if you would be getting the full benefit of Xenos Hunters.
• It's not a broadly useful defensive buff.
  • While yes, you technically can select a lot of neat defensive Chapter Tactics for BoV, they turn off before your opponent's turn which is when you generally want to have a defensive buff active. You could potentially get value out of using a defensive tactic on a unit locked in combat that you really need to survive into your opponent's turn, or to help a charging unit survive a nasty round of overwatch fire, but that's the extent of BoV's use with defensive Chapter Tactics
• It's not going to make up for non-core units being locked out of most buffs.
  • There are some cases where this is useful. Unfortunately most of those cases involve taking units that are kind of subpar right now and spending 2CP a turn to buff them up to a good level. Better to take units that can stand on their own and then use 2CP to supercharge them.
  • Xenos Hunters is (when it's active) one of the rare ways to actually get some kind of free re-rolls on a non-core, non-character unit. It's hard to want to give that up and pay 2 CP for most of the benefits BoV can offer. Especially when you could end up whiffing and having to spend a furtherCP on a re-roll you could have had for free.
• It's not something you can normally use to buff up a deepstrike/outflank surprise attack...
  • Since units in reserves are not on the board yet in your command phase, they aren't valid targets for BoV . However there appear to be two workarounds for this.
    • A unit can start on the table, receive BoV (and other command phase buffs) and then be transported across the table via the Beacon Angelis to do whatever needs doing
    • This might change in an FAQ, but as written it appears you could buff up a Phobos unit in the command phase, pick it up using Guerilla Tactics in the movement phase, and then have that unit arrive from strategic reserves at the end of the movement phase
  • So the above section is probably wrong, as other posters (and the folks at Goonhammer) have pointed out that wording of BoV only requires the target unit to be "in your army." As such, it can probably be used on units not yet on the board, though there isn't any official word yet.

What The Options Are:

• Black Templars
  • This is kind of a poor option overall.
  • Re-roll advances and charges is less useful than it sounds because you can't do both in the same turn, and a CP re-roll on one is cheaper and leaves BoV available to do something else.
  • Shrugging off mortal wounds on a 5+ is fairly niche already as an always-on ability. As an ability only active on your own turn it's even less likely to come into play.
  • Who likes it:
    • Honestly, almost no unit wants this when they could have Blood Angels instead
• Blood Angels
  • This is the go-to option for buffing a unit that's going to charge.
  • +1 to advance and charge rolls is redundant with the Chaplain +2 to charge if you have it on, but is still a nice buff since it can stack with a CP re-roll or other source of charge re-rolls.
  • +1 to wound on the charge is huge. Unless you're throwing out high strength attacks at a penalty to hit, this will generally be the best buff BoV can offer you in terms of melee damage output.
  • Who likes it:
    • Literally any unit that is planning on charging this turn, with the main exception being units armed entirely with -1 to hit melee weapons like Aggressors
• Crimson Fists
  • This can be mean against horde units but needs a unit that wants to both shoot and charge. For just shooting, Imperial Fists outclasses it.This is a pure shooting buff that is a more situational version of Imperial Fists. IF is usually better against targets in cover, but CF is great if the target isn't in cover and is a large enough unit to trigger the +1 to hit.
  • +1 to hit in melee is usually not as good as +1 to wound (though it's great on units like Aggressors or Hammernators with their penalties to hit) but it's still an improvement in damage output when it's on. Oops I can't read. The +1 to hit is in shooting not melee, but still needs the target unit to be substantially larger than the shooting team. This will be totally useless against some enemies (most marine lists) and great against others (blocks of 20 necron warriors, for example)
  • Exploding sixes with bolt weapons is fantastic value when shooting deathwatch bolt weapons with special issue ammo, and still pretty good when shooting other high rate of fire bolt weapons. (aggressors, ABR intercessors, Hellstorm Heavy Intercessors)
  • Who likes it:
    • Small units with a lot of bolt-dakka per model. Aggressors and storm boltepower fist Terminators are the poster children for this, but ABR Intercessors and Outriders are strong candidates as well
• Dark Angels
  • This one is a little niche due to its restriction, but has its uses.
  • Morale buffs are questionable in general and even more so since it's only on your turn when you ideally shouldn't be making morale checks at all. But that's not what this is for.
  • +1 to hit when standing still is great for buffing high-value non-bolt weapons in a stand and shoot situation, and should be more consistent than exploding sixes with bolt weapons (but with a lower ceiling) However, Imperial Fists is still probably better for bolt weapons. You can also use this to get +1 to hit in melee (and shooting pistols!) on a unit that is stuck in combat from a previous turn. Remember, though, that Terminators can get the same buff from Fury of the First without using up BoV and without the movement restrictions.
  • Who likes it:
    • Any unit that is going to stand still and shoot non-bolt weapons that you really need to hit, generally. Also, Bladeguard who start the turn already in combat could sit still and double dip on the +1 to hit with their pistols and swords.
• Flesh Tearers
  • Potentially better than Blood Angels, but most of the time I would take the extra confidence in making the charge roll over some attacks getting better AP
  • As above, +1 to wound on the charge is huge. But you can get it from Blood Angels too.
  • Getting better AP is valuable, as Doctrines have taught us, but getting it randomly is not as easy to plan around. Coupled with the fact that Deathwatch can be in Assault doctrine pretty much any time they want, and that dedicated melee weapons tend to have high enough AP that they are ignoring most armor while in Assault Doctrine, this just isn't a high-value ability most of the time.
  • Who likes it:
    • Outriders and Assault Intercessors are the prime examples with their high volume of attacks at S4 and low AP.
• Imperial Fists
  • Pure gravy for any unit with lots of bolt weapons, made even better when stacked with Special Issue Ammo
  • Exploding sixes on bolt weapons amounts to a good offensive boost on some of Deathwatch's signature weapons, although it can be very swingy (for good or bad) if your dice are acting up.
  • Ignoring light cover has great value on low-AP weapons like Deathwatch Boltguns, freeing you up to chose a different Special Issue Ammo effect for a nasty combo.
  • Who likes it:
    • Aggressors, Deathwatch Veterans, Outriders, Intercessors, Eliminators, practically half the codex it feels like. Shooting bolt weapons at targets in cover is something you probably do every game at some point.
• Iron Hands
  • This isn't always going to be useful, but when it is it could be great.
  • 6+ to ignore wounds is great as an always-on effect, but limited to your own turn it's only helping against overwatch or in ongoing combats. This is a nice bonus but not the real draw.
  • Doubling your wounds for calculating brackets is essentially just bumping you up a bracket, which is useful. It's not as good a version of this effect as some other factions get, but it's better than nothing. Since it lasts all turn, you can use it to get back lost movement speed as well as buff your BS/WS and Attacks back up to full. Not always going to be worth the 2CP, but with how badly some vehicles lose movement at the first bracket (looking at you, Gladiators) I could see it making a difference for that alone. If you're going to take an expensive centerpiece like a Repulsor Executioner, it's probably worth using this to help get your points worth out of it.
  • Who likes it:
    • Repulsors/Executioners, Storm Ravens, Blackstars, Gladiators, Redemptors
• Raven Guard
  • This sadly does nothing 99% of the time due to it's purely defensive effects.
  • The range restrictions on the effects prevent it from being used against overwatch and other out of sequence/opposing turn shooting in nearly all cases that I am aware of, and it doesn't carry over into your opponent's turn. The only case I can think of where this might do anything at all would be if your enemy has ranged units castled around a banner so they can shoot back at you as they die. Even then, it only works if you have a unit at long enough range but that you know for sure will be targeted and you score kills and the banner ability works. Too many hoops to jump through.
  • Who likes it:
    • ​
• Salamanders
  • This is one that sounds excellent on paper but is actually pretty niche in practice.
  • One free wound re-roll per phase is great on your entire army for free, but not so great on a single unit for 2CP. You're basically pre-paying for two CP re-rolls without knowing if you will even need them or not. Could maybe be useful if you want a specific unit to have re-rolls available and still keep the CP re-roll in your back pocket as well, but that seems unlikely.
  • Ignore AP1 can actually be genuinely valuable if you have a key unit that will be getting hit with a lot of AP1 on your own turn, such as a Gravis or Terminator armor unit locked in combat with a pile of Assault Intercessors. It's a real shame it doesn't carry over into the next turn, though, as that's when you need it most.
  • Who likes it:
    • Anyone about to eat a lot of AP1 attacks in and ongoing combat but can't afford to just leave
• Space Wolves
  • Another awesome chapter tactic that's let down a by the fine print.
  • +1 to hit when charging is a solid effect let down by the fact that most of the time Blood Angels' +1 to wound is mathematically better. But don't count the wolves out! When you're swinging a bunch of power fists and thunder hammers at anything under T8, the +1 to hit is actually more valuable than the +1 to wound. Also, if your opponent has a way to put you at -1 to hit with normal power weapons, the +1 to hit offsetting that can be worth more than a +1 to wound.
  • The bit about heroic intervention does nothing on your own turn, sadly.
  • Who likes it:
    • Aggressors, Hammernators, units that will have to swing at -1 for some reason
• Ultramarines
  • Another niche pick. Potentially clutch, but probably rarely so.
  • +1 leadership will almost never be particularly important in the current edition
  • Fall Back and still shoot is great when you really need it, but at 2CP and coupled with a -1 to hit, it's only worth it when you really need that shooting. This is made less attractive by the fact that there are often better options for the same effect. Deathwatch can already fall back and shoot without the penalty to hit for only 1 CP on any unit with jump pack models in it. Additionally, all Space Marine chapters can have a bike unit fall back and shoot for 1 CP as well.
  • Who likes it:
    • Eliminators, Eradicators, Hellblasters, high value shooting units that can be tagged in melee and don't have a better way to fall back and shoot
• White Scars
  • One of the best for last, this is kind of a toolbox power that has a variety of applications depending on the unit
  • Being able to charge after advancing or falling back is very useful. Use this on 5 Outriders for a 20" move followed by a charge. Use it on Aggressors because the chunky boys need a little extra help to cover the distance. Use it on any unit that needs to to leave a combat they don't like and charge into one they do. In terms of getting into combat with a distant unit, you should reliably get more extra distance out of this than out of Blood Angels, but at the cost of losing the great +1 to wound. Note that the fall back and charge part can be had for only 1 CP on bike units or killteams containing bikes.
  • Firing Assault weapons after advancing with no penalty is nice, though I don't know that I would spend 2 CP on that by itself. Fortunately, Deathwatch has access to some units that would happily benefit from both this and the advance-and-charge part on the same turn.
  • Who likes it:
    • Aggressors, ABR Intercessors, Outriders, Characters you need to cover some distance and charge, sometimes Bladeguard or Deathwatch Veterans

Successor Tactics: Are they worth it?

• Bolter Fusillades
  • While re-rolling ones with bolt weapons is a unique effect you can't get from copying a major Chapter Tactic, it's still not a great choice. Imperial Fists is just as good, can stack with captain re-rolls, and comes with ignore light cover as a cherry on top.
• Born Heroes
  • This is a good effect, but Space Wolves gets the same thing so... pick whichever I guess.
• Fearsome Aspect
  • Leadership modifiers are kind of meh, not sure I would ever spend 2 CP on this
• Hungry for Battle
  • Blood Angels does this and add +1 to wound as well, might as well use Blood Angels
• Indomitable
  • Dark Angels does this and adds that nice +1 to hit if you stood still as well.
• Inheritors of the Primarch
  • Just lets you copy one of the ones you can already copy
• Knowledge is Power
  • This one is an actual unique effect that isn't inherently overshadowed by one of the main 12 Chapter Tactics. It is, however, somewhat overshadowed by the humble CP re-roll. Technically, getting to pick out and re-roll only the ones is significantly better than a standard CP re-roll and you can't double up on the CP re-roll if you flub both psychic tests in a turn, but the downside is you have to pre-pay 2CP for this whether you end up needing it not, and also lock yourself out of using BoV for something else that turn. Probably not worth it unless you have 2 powers you absolutely need to go off this turn.
  • Who likes it:
    • Librarians
• Long-Range Marksmen
  • This is another unique and interesting one with some niche but potentially useful applications. Being locked out of flame and assault weapons definitely hurts, but when you're just an inch outside of rapid fire range or just a couple inches out of range with a heavy weapon, suddenly you don't have that problem anymore. It'll be rare that this comes up in a situation where it's worth 2CP and you still have 2CP to spend, but you might kick yourself for forgetting it exists that one time you actually need it.
  • Who likes it:
    • Deathwatch Veterans, Intercessors, Outriders, anything with powerful Heavy or Rapid Fire options that would just slightly be out of range otherwise.
• Master Artisans
  • Like Salamanders, but for hit rolls and without the ignore AP-1. The re-roll effect by itself is inferior to just CP re-rolls. Could maybe be useful if you want a unit to have re-rolls available and still keep the CP re-roll in your back pocket as well.
• Preferred Enemy
  • Replicates the effect of first part of Xenos Hunters, but can be made to work against any non-Imperium faction. Not sure it's worth 2 CP.
• Rapid Assault
  • This is White Scars without the advance/fallback and charge part. Just use White Scars.
• Scions of the Forge
  • Iron Hands without the 6+ feel no pain. Just use Iron Hands.
• Stalwart
  • A unique effect! Unfortunately it's a poor-man's Transhuman Physiology for double the CP cost. And only effective on your own turn. And has to be committed to in the Command Phase. I struggle to see a situation in which I would choose to use this.
• Stealthy
  • Raven Guard with half the benefit and all the problems.
• Stoic
  • This is the less useful of the 2 Ultramarines benefits.
• Tactical Withdrawal
  • This is Fall back and charge by itself. White Scars also does this.
• Warded:
  • This is the less useful of the two Black Templars effects.
• Whirlwind of Rage
  • A unique effect, and not a bad one either! Probably still not as good as Blood angels on the charge in most cases, though it has the potential to be better than Space Wolves on a large unit of aggressors or hammernators all swinging at -1 to hit. Exploding sixes should average out about the same as +1 to hit, but creates the potential for huge swings if your dice are hot and/or you can get a +1 from somewhere else. (Such as Fury of the First on hammernators)
  • Who likes it:
    • Hammernators, Aggressors, Bladeguard, Outriders, players who like to gamble

​
Edit: Thank you for the silver, kind stranger!Edit2: updated to cover reserves and related shenanigansEdit3: updated with units that I think benefit well from each Chapter Tactic and the relevant Successor TacticsEdit4: I messed up Crimson Fists! Fixed.

(Word of Warning: This is going to be a long one, so take your time reading it. Enjoy.)
So when we last left off, Cherry had become a demigod/powerful mage who made a pact with an otherworldly being and used a banishment spell on my character, removing him from the remainder of the one shot, all because he didn’t do as she asked.
I also realise I should have made this series an “Am I the Asshole?” series, because I am second guessing if I am justified in what I am writing (although that could also be the anxiety talking). Because I realise this is a fun character for this player to get into, and it can be fun to be evil sometimes or being a “fake jerk” at the table for humour, but you need a very specific group of friends who are on the same page to make sure everyone is also having fun. If they are not or if you’re playing with people who aren't in your friend group, well… things like this story happen.
Before I get to the story proper, there are five pet peeves I wanna vent out.
There were a lot of problems with the group, not just guilty of the mods, but a select few. Tight-knit cliques that only shared information with each other or gave themselves powerful items, or dialogue discussions/roleplaying between two players that took about an hour, sometimes more, and the fact that I learned some of them were talking smack about other members behind their back (me included). There were some interesting inner groups, like two players who were a couple irl and had their four characters collectively join together in a polygamous relationship. I will give them points, that is new to me, but when they are together on a quest, their conversations with each other in character could last an hour of character development with themselves. It just made me want to scream, “Get a room, the rest of us want to play too!” All the murder in the group was not just from the Trio. I have heard of or seen instances where one goblin killed a thug in self defence and not only got arrested (and did not resist), but got their rights as a citizen taken away for murdering on city grounds. Yet there is another time where a human wizard kills eight innocent people with a powerful spell on the off chance one of them was evil or because they lost concentration of their spell. That wizard got little to no reprecussions for multiple counts of murder, only recently got sent to jail for what he did. Why would you not arrest someone immediately when you did so quickly for another character? Maybe because the wizard is a noble idk) A lot of players did not want to let their characters develop or grow in a way that felt natural, they always had to wait for a certain point in the story that felt right, such as their character dying and coming back changed emotionally, or they had a piece of lore they wanted approved by the mods before making any progress, and would act like a big deal when it finally happens. This one may not be as bad as I am making it out to be, since I am sure a lot of players do this. Like I get it, you’re very excited about exploring the full possibilities of your characters, I have done that myself in case Harry the Tiefling bard had a bad ending and became a warlock, but idk,waiting for a prompt like a character death makes the experience feel so scripted and takes away from the spontaneity that makes DnD so fun and just leaves you wanting your character to die to get full satisfaction, which is not something I feel is necessary. I also heard the Trio started their own game of DnD 5e, Curse of Strahd I think, with a few other members that were in that inner circle and they seem to have fun playing that. Makes me wonder why that would not do that in the first place.
Now this is the final story of what I like to call the Cherry saga because this was the last quest I was in before I was kicked out of the group (the reason why I was kicked out has nothing to do with this story (as far as I know) and I am happy to share the details if any of you readers are interested). Cherry’s player was the GM, which was a bit of a warning sign that I may not enjoy it, but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt since the quest’s description was a vague “protect me from these assailants” deal. However, I did see the quest was deadly.
In the group, there are four levels of difficulty for a quest: Easy, Moderate, Hard, and Deadly. An easy quest probably won’t kill any of your players and has low EXP and gold reward, but is typically a fun little adventure and a chance to RP. Meanwhile a hard or deadly quest is where at least one character is guaranteed to die or not have much HP, but you get massive EXP for it. So high risk, high reward. This usually happens when Cherry’s players and their friends play by themselves. The GM makes a deadly quest with a lot of EXP or magical loot and level up all their characters faster than the others, or get them to play catch up or min-Max their characters. From what I heard, Cherry’s player improvises his quests on the spot to have a simple “kill this thing” vibe and a chance to test out a high level monster. That is fine, but I wonder why they bother to level up their characters if they are not going to play with the rest of the members.
Speaking of which, the characters for this story are as follows: Harry, my LG Tiefling Bard of Lore/Life Cleric of Shelyn (He multiclassed once he got to level 7, so he was 6 lvls Bard and 2 lvls Cleric) Kirbee, the NG Bard of Lore (who was deaf and was one of Harry’s friends) Igor, the LN Warlock of the Archfey/Nature Cleric (who was also one of Harry’s friends) Gorgon, the NG Artificer (Noah’s player’s latest character) Glyph, the NG Fighter (who was slightly under leveled and one of Cherry and Noah’s player’s friends and was one of the few that tried to be active in the group by joining quests with other members) Lavender, LG Celestial Warlock Lea, the LG Tempest Cleric Rosa, the NL Paladin of Vengeance (played by the GM of the Kobold quest in part 1)
So one of the first red flags I saw about this quest was the GM (Cherry’s Player) pretty much hazing Glyph’s player for not having her other character in this quest: a Shadar-Kai fighter I believe, who was being levelled up at this point.
Small bit of info: when you level up in the group, you don’t just level up like you do in most games. You need to do all your new additions, keep track of the EXP, new spells, etc, and wait for a mod to look it over and approve the level up. Until then, you cannot use that character on quests since they are in No-Gaming Limbo for a little while.
But I digress, the hazing the GM said was like: “How could you disappoint us like this? You ruined the whole game. How dare you?” All obviously sarcastic, and Gorgon and Glyph’s players seemed okay with it, but I personally felt uncomfortable by such mean-spirited stuff being said at their friend. It’s not something I would never say, but it is not my place to judge in person. Again, I digress. (I’m sorry, this will be a common phrase)
So when the game started, we were all in separate parts of the main city. We each had an address to go to, but no benefactor arrived, so some of the players left after an hour of waiting. After a while, a magical door appears in a nearby alleyway and once we all walk inside, the party finally meets up with each other and we find ourselves in this weird part of town no one recognised, think like the town from Soul Eater for all my fellow old school anime fans out there. At this point, we all group together (Harry sticking with Kirbee and Igor) and try to figure out why they were here.
So we all go into this large guild hall-looking building with a giant dining table inside and a throne room, and to all of our surprises, it was Cherry sitting on the throne.
Just a small side-tangent: For those of you wondering if the quest outline told us which character was the quest giver? No, it didn’t. Not for this one, or The Bachelor quests I mentioned in part 3. (And yes, there were multiple Bachelor one shots, I never participated in those but I heard things get crazy) Cherry just kind of pops out of nowhere, and the game is never the same.
Now I immediately had a pit in my stomach from what was about to happen, and surprisingly almost all the characters who had met Cherry before, including Gorgon, knew this could not be good, but to keep the story moving, we had to proceed.
We try to approach her, but she doesn't even look like she is paying attention to us, like she is talking on the phone. Cherry: “Uh huh, yeah. Got it.” Then she looks at us. “Who are you all?” Lavender: “We’re here for a job. Are you the person who asked for us?” Cherry: “Oh yes, please take a seat and eat up! I will explain everything.” At least she is nice enough to give us a meal.
So we all sat down and listened to what she had to say. According to her, she suspects a few black hooded assailants want her dead for reasons that she is “unaware of” and needs us to keep her safe as her bodyguards.
Gorgon, who has also met Cherry before, questioned this by saying: “So you essentially want us to be assassins?”
Cherry sighed in annoyance and replied: “Alright fine, assassins, whatever helps you sleep at night. Now are you gonna help out or not?”
At this point, she was trying to pressure all of us into making a decision quickly like a sleazy car salesman. So we all agreed to help for various reasons, since we all just wanted to play. (For anyone curious, Harry’s reason for staying is that, despite all the drama beforehand, he cannot leave someone to die in good consciousness, in case these assassins were legit).
So we go to the town square, where out of nowhere, we see a group of five or six black-cloaked figures staring at us as we crossed over a bridge. At first, we all discussed talking to them to try and smooth everything out. But nothing is ever smooth with Cherry… Out of nowhere, she casts Inflict Wounds on one of the figures, prompting all of them to draw their weapons and the civilians to flee in fear, and Cherry to disappear because she was an illusion the whole time. (and yet could still cast a spell?)
We were all just kind of in shock that this is the way the fight started: by cleaning up the mess of a conflict that didn’t need to happen, facing foes that, as we were about to find out, were incredibly strong and she didn’t want to face by herself. I wouldn’t even be surprised if this is how she got them angry in the first place.I understand why this happened as a GM myself, it’s a quick way to speed people into combat and cut the fat that is hour long RPs to get to the meat of the encounter.
The fight was incredibly brutal. All of these characters were some form of Shadar-Kai, and they are no joke. Most of us went down at least once, our tempest cleric Lea permanently died and came back as a zombie due to some form of necromancy of one shadar-kai mage. It took a long time to beat him because whenever we got close to melee attack, we would be hit by the effects of the Slow spell, reducing our turns to one action at a time. Whenever they hurt a player, they would gain HP back. This fight took us three hours to do. That is not what bothered me. The part that bugged me is how I was called out for my actions, and this is where I am getting into the “Am I an Asshole” part of the story?
As I have said in earlier posts, Harry is a character who fights non-lethally, but recently has become a follower of Shelyn. For those who don’t know, she is the Pathfinder Goddess of Peace, Love, Art and Music that I imported to 5e because that is the one goddess that fits his character. Her dogma is believing there is good in every living creature, and only to use violence as an absolute last resort because every life is invaluable. So if he can find alternate ways to end a fight without killing his opponent, he will do it, without totally giving up his sense of justice. Enchantment spells to make people run away or rethink their life Obi-Wan Kenobi style, stabbing arms and legs with his rapier to disarm, using his Ray of Frost to freeze the legs in place, or even just a simple Persuasion check is in his wheelhouse and is my ideal way to play. He did not want to kill these people he did not know, especially when the fight could have been avoided very easily.
I was trying to do any of my above strategies to defeat these Shadar-Kai, but the GM and the party were not having any of it. I managed to convince one Shadar Kai to leave with a Suggestion spell (which in itself is impressive due to their Fey Ancestry), but other than that, no dice. Try using subdue damage with my rapier? The slow effect would have only let me do that once, so I scrapped that. Shooting from a long range with a crossbow or a Ray of Frost? Gm calls that ranged attacks are always lethal. Trying a spell like Suggestion again? Nope, because it would be too much of a gamble with the Fey Ancestry giving advantage on all charm effect saves. Most of the party was reflecting this too. I realise they were scared and tense due to the tough spot we were in, so I pretty much attacked once with Ray of Frost, felt bad for it, and just became the designated healer and bardic inspiration provider. (and I only had five to give out or use for Cutting Words to keep the heavy-hitters alive) As the fight continued however, I was becoming less inspired to keep going.
I realise how petty this must make me sound, but if I am pretty much left with no options than to just be the healer and the others are so scared about what is gonna happen that they shoot down whatever crazy ideas I have, it ruins the fun for me. There are a few reasons I could say as to why I do not like this kind of DnD play, but this post is already long enough, but I am happy to talk about it in the comments. The only thing I will say is that Lavender the LG warlock was way too into killing these shadar-kai, such as drowning them or burning them in a wall of flame. Doing all this in the middle of a city. That still does not sit right with me and would have constituted an alignment change, but that’s just me.
After the battle was done, Harry went over to our now downed and zombified tempest cleric and was praying for Shelyn to help her and all these fallen souls who died such a pointless death. By the end of it, the violent paladin of vengeance was the only one to check to see if Harry was okay and to cheer him up. That is when another door materialised in an alleyway, leading to the same Soul Eater town. Also, someone blew a horn earlier to alert the guards so the party knew they would be coming soon to question them on what happened/arrest those involved. Everyone went inside except for Harry. He stayed behind to deal with the dead, fishing them out of the rivers, prayed for their souls and basically played a morgue worker to keep the bodies clean and lined up so none of the dead were forgotten.
The party met up with Cherry and were not happy with her. They said the assailants were dead but questioned why that was necessary, lamented how our cleric died because of her, but she basically brushed it aside and said she could bring her back unzombified, if they bring back all the bodies of the Shadar-Kai. (For anyone who has read part 1, sound familiar?)
There was a long debate on if this was a good idea or not, but Igor, the Warlock/Cleric volunteered to get the bodies anyway, despite everyone saying this was not going to end well. No it would not.
Igor walked outside and told Harry: “We need all these bodies.”
Harry, concerned and confused, asked: “Why?”
Igor: “Cherry said she would bring Lea back in exchange for the bodies.”
Harry was shocked and angry at this, knowing exactly what these were for and not wanting history to repeat itself.
Harry snapped: “No! Absolutely not! Do you have any idea what she will do with those bodies, Igor? She will sacrifice them to Lolth, her goddess!”
Igor: “There is not much time and there are no other good options. Can you think of any other way to bring Lea back?”
Harry, exasperated: “Yes! There are! Going to a local cleric, taking the body to the mage’s colleges, anything but this! Please Igor, I’m begging you don’t do this!”
Igor, scowling at Harry: “If you don’t want to be a part of this, you can leave.”
Harry was taken aback by this, and scowled right back at Igor: “Fine.”
He walked across the bridge where this madness started from, and turned back to Igor.
Harry: “If you suddenly regret this, don’t say I didn’t warn you…!” And he stormed off, making his way back home and leaving the scene and session entirely.
Now for context, Igor was someone Harry thought as a dear friend, someone he could not only have philosophical debates with in the small library where Harry lived, but someone who saved his life. Igor, along with a group of other adventurers, ventured deep into a cultist’s den, facing cultists, Cambions, Harry’s estranged mother (A 17th level Fiend Warlock) who would not let anyone take away her little Pain (Harry’s Virtue name), and a Bone Devil at the gateway to the Nine Hells to save my tiefling bard. So Igor was someone who Harry admired and defended tooth-and-nail, and considers them a hero. But after seeing him go along with the person who absolutely did not trust, the rose-tinted glasses were off and he needed to re-evaluate how he saw the friend who risked their life to save him.
At this point, I muted my mic, deafened my earphones and went on to other tasks (watching youtube videos or starting my college courses). Was that a dick move? Yeah, absolutely, and I do regret the way I handled it, but I knew the basics of what was going to happen and I knew I did not want to listen to it. All I picked up was that Lea was alive again and Igor had gained a Blood Stone in his inventory. I could put two and two together from there.
For the rest of you players who may have been reading this, I don’t blame you for how things went down. We were all caught up in the heat of the moment.
Additionally, if you were all having fun with that game and the way it went, more power to you. I can only speak for myself, and grim dark stuff like that where you’re forced to not make any alternate choices apart from doing something you know you will regret is not what I am interested in. (This is probably why I don’t get invited to many games lol, but I know what I like and I really don’t wanna change that).
I chatted with Igor’s player and we both were not upset with each other, since we both agreed we were both in character, and we even agreed to have a private roleplay where they try to work things out in the library where debates of philosophy between the two began. Sadly, this didn’t happen, as I was kicked out of the group after this quest, making it the last one I ever went on. (And no, I was not kicked out for being a petty, sanctimonious asshole, but it would not surprise me if many people felt that way.)
This has been a very long journey that I have put you readers through. It was full of bitterness, tangents, and some questionable behaviour at best, and I want to thank you for getting this far, whether you agree with me or not. I wanted to put my story out there, and I at least hope it gave you some enjoyment.
Although deep down, despite all my bitterness, I can understand why it became like this. We’re all a bunch of anxious nerds and don’t want to step on anyone’s toes in fear of ruining potentially everyone’s good time. I feel that way a lot, hence why I did not call out this behaviour sooner and it never seemed too severe to me at the time. At the end of the day, we all just want to have fun and play epic fantasy adventures, but my biggest takeaway from all of these stories is this: in order for the game to be fun, there needs to be a consistent and open understanding of what tone and type of game/games you want to play and everyone is on the same page about it. If you are playing a bunch of evil characters in a mostly good setting, or vice versa, you need to have something you can all agree on or a reason why they would work together apart from work obligation. Otherwise, it will all just end in a big mess and the party opposing the tone will walk away unhappy with soured relationships with the people they spent so much of their free time with.
Also please, do not get up at 2 or 3am like I did just to play D&D. Seriously, it’s not worth it.
TLDR: Drow cleric now demi-god asks party to be her bodyguards, ends up starting a fight with the six Shadar-Kai after her and disappearing (since she was an illusion the whole time), leaving us to clean up the mess she started. Our cleric got turned into a zombie, drow said she can bring her back with the bodies, my bard said no and left the scene. Party gave the drow the bodies anyway and the cleric is back but at an unknown cost.